


i'll always be there

by adoresterek



Category: Glee
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-19
Updated: 2020-06-07
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:07:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 32,115
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23741281
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/adoresterek/pseuds/adoresterek
Summary: it's been five years since sebastian has seen blaine. blaine shows up again on a friday.
Relationships: Blaine Anderson/Sebastian Smythe
Comments: 36
Kudos: 64





	1. friday.

**Author's Note:**

> it's 2020, we're in lockdown, i rewatched glee and seblaine is still everything.

Two years out of college and Sebastian is thriving. He owns three bars, two in New York City - Manhattan to be precise - and one in London. The latter he rarely visits but trusts his business partner wholeheartedly with that project. It had been a risk and it certainly wouldn’t have been worth the risk and stress had it all gone to shit but thankfully they were able to make it work. Sebastian’s life is working out pretty damn well and he’s worked damn hard to get to where he is now. Not even his father  constantly telling him he’d never make it broke his spirit – he does love proving people wrong after all.

“ID?” Sebastian asks, smirk set on his lips.

“Just wait until I turn 21 in two months,” comes the reply.

It’s Friday night, still quite early, and Sonny has come to annoy Sebastian in one of his bars like he always does when Sebastian decides to actually do a shift behind the bar. He doesn’t know that this particular Friday night is about to turn his world upside down, and had he known he probably would have stayed home. Or gone to any other bar in the Manhattan area but alas he can’t predict the future.

“Then you can have all the drinks you want,” Sebastian replies.

It’s still weird, having his brother here, in his bar, in his _life_. They had grown up without each other, in different countries, so he has a feeling it will stay weird for a little while longer. It’s a good weird, though, a weird he welcomes.

The crowd starts to pick up so Sonny lets Sebastian get on with his job, he stays sat at the bar talking to everyone who will give him the time of day. Sebastian doesn’t know how he does it, how he can deal with people the way he does. He has a talent; he doesn’t get easily annoyed at people’s stupidity like Sebastian does. It’s nice, really, the somewhat childish innocence his brother still has. Though he would never admit that out loud.

It’s been a busy night so far and Sebastian hasn’t had any time to really notice Sonny after the first couple of hours, never mind speak to him, so when he finally looks over to where he’s sat at the end of the bar, he nearly drops the glass in his hand.

Sonny’ pointing at him and Sebastian wants the ground to swallow him whole. He could look away, pretend he hasn’t seen them, but that would be obvious, so he composes himself, clears his throat and puts the glass down before he walks over to his brother.

“This guy knows you!” Sonny is saying and Sebastian hates how casual he sounds. But he doesn’t know.

“And his friend,” he adds when Sebastian comes to a stop across from them.

“Dude, this is cool. I always thought you’d become, like, a supervillain or something. But this is still cool. Not  _ as _ cool, but I dig it.”

Sam Evans. One of the only few people Sebastian could tolerate, though they don’t speak anymore. It seems he’s still a giant nerd, though.

He smiles at the comment. “What brings you two here then?” he asks, eyes on Sam as he speaks but he dares a glance at the boy to his left. And then he wishes he hadn’t.

It’s ridiculous, really, how just  _ seeing  _ him can make his heart stop and his stomach do that stupid flippy thing it always does when he’s around him. Not that he’s been around Blaine Anderson in a long time. Five years – god, has it really been five years? 

He would love to be able to know what Blaine is thinking right now, wonders if he’s having the same crisis that he is, though he doubts it and certainly wouldn’t put money on it. Even if it isn’t the same crisis, he hopes it’s some sort of torment. Finally seeing him again after all this time, he hopes Blaine feels even a tiny but guilty. At the most he hopes Blaine regrets his decision.

He hopes he’s miserable – but not really. 

“Well,” and it’s Sam speaking again and Sebastian just wants Blaine to say something,  _ anything _ , he wants him to stop avoiding Sebastian’s gaze. “Santana may have mentioned to me that you own this awesome bar and I was like no way in hell because that’s something you announce to all your friends, past, present and future. But nope, you didn’t pass on the message to  _ me _ .” Sam isn’t mad, he’s smiling and it’s ridiculous because why would Sebastian tell Sam – Blaine's best friend?

“I should have known Santana would blab my amazing achievement to everyone,” he replies, smug as ever. He didn’t know if the New Direction members were all still friends, he didn’t really keep up with anyone from back in High School. He didn’t do social media unless it was for his bars. He had a private Instagram account but that was it. Nick and Jeff had somehow managed to cling onto him, though, and he sometimes met up with Hunter but that was as far as his High School friends stretched. 

“It is pretty amazing,” Blaine agrees – and finally, he speaks! He hasn’t gone mute in the past five years like Sebastian was starting to believe.

“Super amazing,” Sonny shouts, grinning like an idiot but it does make Sebastian smile.

“Thank you both. Now can I get either of you a drink – not you,” he says pointing at Sonny when he notices his brother’s mouth begin to open. He pouts, then sticks his tongue out at Sebastian like a  petulant child. It makes him roll his eyes.

“Just two beers please, good Sir,” Sam answers for both him and Blaine.

Sebastian doesn’t miss the look on Blaine’s face, he’s not sure if it’s uncertainty or hurt, maybe confusion at the whole situation. Sebastian has a brother Blaine didn’t know about and a bar he didn’t know about. Not that the latter was important to Blaine considering the situation between them and the fact they haven’t spoken since before his bars became a reality.

As he pours the beers, he wonders to himself why Blaine even came. Did Sam fail to mention it was Sebastian’s bar? He was honestly just glad Hummel wasn’t with them, he doesn’t know how he would have reacted had that happened. He’s glad he doesn’t have to find out, he’s sure Blaine wouldn’t make coming here a regular thing.

He places the beers in front of Sam and Blaine, interrupting Blaine and Sonny’s conversation. At least Blaine’s able to actually hold a conversation still – Sonny did bring that out in pretty much anyone he met, though. And Blaine was just as friendly.

“On the house. Thanks for stopping by,” he says with an easy smile and then turns and walks away, distracts himself with serving his customers. He doesn’t let himself look over to the trio often and he ignores the nagging feeling in his mind about why Blaine’s here. He’s also not sure how he feels about Sam and Blaine sticking around for as long as they do, talking to only Sonny. 

When they eventually do leave – he hadn’t served them again, he let the other bar staff on shift deal with that – Sam waves goodbye to him so excitedly he can’t help but smile back at him, offering him a small wave goodbye in reply. He only gets a small smile from Blaine, lips pressed together, so that’s what he offers in return. He feels disappointed when he sees Blaine disappear out of the bar. He’d thought a lot about the moment he’d see Blaine again, if he ever did, and that wasn’t how he had expected it to, or wanted it to go. 

The rest of the night passes by in a blur, he flirts as he serves and people flirt with him, he makes polite chit chat with his customers, completely ignores Sonny because he knows that look on his face, it’s the look he has when he wants a real conversation with Sebastian, and he needs to mentally prepare for that. All in all, it had been an okay night, he couldn’t complain really. It had been a really good night for the business which was always nice.

Once the bar closes, he lets the staff go home before cleaning the place. Sebastian kind of wants to do it himself, he needs to keep busy. “You can help,” he says to Sonny who protests but this is Sebastian’s way of getting back at him for the conversation he knows he’s going to have to endure.

“So,” Sonny says in a sing-song voice - and there it is.

“So?” Sebastian replies.

“Your friends are super nice.”

_ Friends, _ he silently scoffs. He hasn’t been friends with them in a long time and he hadn’t realised how bitter he was about that. Sam had become one of his closest friends, though it didn’t last long, but he knew he didn’t get to keep anything from that part of his life with Blaine. He thought he was used to it but apparently not.

“Yeah, they’re good guys,” he agrees.

As he clears away the glasses and cleans the tables, he wonders what the three of them had spent the night talking about. Mostly he wonders what they possibly said about him, what  _ Blaine _ had said about him. He doesn’t ask. Sonny doesn’t tell.

“Sam mentioned you and Blaine used to go out.”

Sebastian doesn’t look at Sonny. He sighs. “Yeah, yeah we did,” he confesses.

“You always told me you’ve never been in a serious relationship.”

He had said that and, in his defence, okay he didn’t have one – he just didn’t want to talk about it. About Blaine. About the one who got anyway.

“I’m not sure relationships that last under a year can be classed as serious,” he argues, looks at his brother and shrugs his shoulders.

He’s trying to be nonchalant about it and the only thing that gives it away that he’s isn’t is that Sonny doesn’t press the situation. He doesn’t know what gives him away but Sonny accepts that as an answer, which is very out of character for him, and just goes back to clearing things away. Sebastian is thankful for it.

They get the pub looking brand-new between them, mostly in silence, music playing in the background and by the end of it, Sebastian is exhausted. They get food on the way home and Sebastian lets Sonny crash in his spare bedroom that is honestly more like Sonny’s bedroom than a spare room at this point. 

Blaine and Sam aren’t mentioned again that night, or for the rest of the weekend, and Sebastian does everything he can to not think about Blaine, about Blaine showing up at his pub after five years of radio silence, about why Blaine had shown up. But he fails. Miserably. He can't stop thinking about it. Was there anything to it? Was Sebastian thinking too much into it? Had Sam not mentioned it was Sebastian’s bar? Had Blaine wanted to see him? Would Blaine show up again?

It’s safe to say he doesn’t get much sleep that night and he silently curses Santana Lopez’s  existence as he eventually falls into a restless sleep.


	2. gay bowling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm going to try and post a new chapter everyday. pls don't quote me on that tho but we are in lock-down so it's looking (kinda!) likely. lemme know what you think of this chapter please :)

“Look, all I’m saying is Endgame Steve can choke.” Sebastian has had to deal with Sonny go on and on about Marvel movies for the past half an hour. It’s insane how many opinions his brother has on shows and movies. He thinks him and Sam should get together and talk this shit out.

“I’m sure you’re right,” he agrees. 

“Thank you!”

Sebastian leans back in his chair, cracks his neck and Sonny pulls a face at the noise. They’ve been sat in Sebastian’s kitchen for the past two hours, Sonny working on his college work and Sebastian working on the books for his businesses. He usually likes to do this by himself but Sonny is his exception, mostly because he always brings him food.

It’s been just over a week since Blaine showed up at his bar and he’s done well to not think about him, or barely think about him. He’s also avoided working at the bar as much as he could just in case. If Sonny’s noticed, he doesn’t mention it.

“Can we go do something tonight?” Sonny asks.

“What do you want to do?” Sebastian asks as he closes his laptop. He can’t look at his laptop screen any longer.

“Get drunk in the park... No, the movies? Or bowling. Bowling?!”

“I’m supposed to be the gay one in this siblingship,” Sebastian jokes. “Don’t bisexuals -”

“Secret bisexual,” Sonny replies in a whisper as he looks around Sebastian’s empty apartment.

Sebastian laughs then. Sonny isn’t out to anyone expect Sebastian and honestly Sebastian doesn’t blame him, not when they have the dad they have. Best kept secret if you ask Sebastian. Expect maybe not, Sebastian was glad when he came out but Sonny isn’t there yet and that’s okay.

“Anyway, yes, we can go bowling,” he agrees easily. It’s Saturday, Sonny should be out with college friends, at a college party illegally drinking but instead he chooses to spend time with his big brother, which of course he does because Sebastian is awesome.

The bowling alley is, as expected, packed and Sebastian regrets agreeing to this outing because he isn’t really in the mood for strangers and children. Especially children and there’s so goddamn many of the running around with sticky fingers and sticky mouths. Why are children never clean? Do people only start becoming clean individuals when they get older because he hasn’t met a single clean child in his twenty-five years of being alive. 

“Sort your face out, Seb, you look ready to murder,” Sonny teases.

“My bets on him,” Sebastian says, pointing to a boy who must be around six, hair sticking all over the place, a red stain on the corner of his mouth, shouting unreasonably loud.

“You can’t say that,” Sonny exclaims but he’s quietly laughing.

The queue to get their bowling shoes goes faster than Sebastian was expecting and he grimaces as he puts the godawful shoes on. Clown shoes. Dirty clown shoes. He always wears two pairs of socks when he bowls – he would buy his own bowling shoes if he bowled enough but this rarely happened so he didn’t see the point.

Sonny’s already got his shoes on, looking around the bowling alley like he’s expecting someone.

“You ready?” Sebastian asks, eyebrow raised for a second.

“ Mhmm ,” Sonny replies,  distracted .

Sebastian frowns then because his brother quite clearly is not ready and his patience is mostly non-existent at the best of times never mind in a crowded bowling alley with screaming children. Before he gets a chance to say anything else, though, he sees Sonny waving.

Who is he waving -

_ Nope. _

“Sonny,” he grits out.

“What?” his brother asks innocently.

This is not happening.

“Fancy seeing you two here.”

Sam Evans. Again.

“Oh, yeah, I’m sure it’s a massive coincidence,” Sebastian comments, glaring at his brother.

Sam and Sonny pay no attention to him as they greet each other. If Blaine walks towards them, Sebastian’s leaving. He’s just decided. He’ll leave his brother high and dry; he doesn’t care. His brother is a sneaky little shit and Sebastian’s gone most of his life not seeing his brother, he can do it again. Watch him. Watch him cut the traitor out.

“Where’s everyone else?” Sonny asks Sam.

Oh, he _ is _ a traitor. 

“ Uhhhh ,” Sam murmurers as he looks around and his eyes light up when he spots who must be ‘everyone else’.

Sebastian doesn't dare look.

“There!” he points and Sonny looks over, smiling and waving at whoever the hell it is. Sebastian isn’t looking, can’t look.

“If it isn’t my favourite meerkat lookalike.”

Santana. 

“A cute meerkat.”

Brittany.

“If it isn’t my favourite lesbian couple,” Sebastian replies.

“We’re not lesbians,” Santana shoots back. He knew that would be her reply, it always is when Sebastian calls them lesbians. He knows it grates on her, it’s why he does it. 

Blaine’s there. He’s here. Just behind Brittany. He’s talking to Sonny and Sam, probably hasn’t even looked at Sebastian. He’s going to kill his brother, forget the six-year-old with stupid hair, it’s his brother he’s murdering. Sebastian will go to prison for first degree murder, he doesn’t care.

“We ready to bowl, boys and girls?” Sonny asks excitedly and Sebastian glares but then he spots Blaine looking at him so he schools his features.

Sam and Brittany get as excited as Sonny is and the three of them basically skip to their designated lane, Santana following behind them with a fond look on her face that is reserved for only Brittany.

Sebastian hasn’t really noticed that Blaine isn’t following after them, only notices when he hears the other speak.

“Sonny didn’t tell you we were coming, did he?” he asks.

Sebastian lets out a humourless laugh and shakes his head. “He did not,” he confirms. 

He wants to flee, wants to run away from this situation, from Blaine, from his traitor brother. He can’t, though, can he? Would that make it more awkward? 

He turns to look at Blaine then, who looks just as uncomfortable as Sebastian feels. Blaine knew, though, didn’t he? That Sebastian would be here. He must have. It confuses Sebastian but he doesn’t ask, doesn’t care. He really, really doesn’t. Nope, no caring  happening here.

“I’m sorry about that,” Blaine adds.

Sebastian almost scoffs but he stops himself. No need to make the situation worse, right? Blaine genuinely looks apologetic, though. Although it’s not what he should be sorry about, is it? He should be sorry for something else. Not this. Sebastian can’t look away now he’s finally met Blaine’s eyes. He’s standing in front of him, acting like everything is okay between them, like they haven’t been apart for five years, like they’re old friends just catching up.

Blaine still looks so good; it physically hurts Sebastian. He needs his feelings to stop, to stay in that locked box he put away years ago.

He really wants to flee.

He wants to stay, too, though. He always wanted to stay where Blaine was. Things never really change.

“Come on,” Sebastian says. “Let’s not keep the excited puppies waiting.” He shocks himself with how easy and casual he sounds. Blaine seems to physically relax at his words and it sort of makes Sebastian feel a little bit better.

Blaine smiles and then they make their way to where the rest of them are, arguing over who’s going first. Sonny insists he should go first because it was  _ his _ idea – Sebastian puts that little fact away for later – but Sam thinks he should go first because he’s better looking. It takes a few minutes of them bickering, Brittany joining in every now and again just to stir the pot which makes both Santana and Sebastian laugh. Blaine’s quiet. It seems that may just be how he is now, probably just around Sebastian, so different to the boy Sebastian remembers. He might have to get used to this, though. He hopes not, honestly. Doesn’t know if he can be around Blaine. This is an exception. A one off.

They eventually come to the decision that Sonny will go first if Sam can go first next time – a next time Sebastian will not be present for, thank you very much. Sam, of course goes second, then Brittany, Blaine, Santana and last but not least Sebastian. Blaine becomes less quiet as the game goes on, comes out of his shell, a shell Sebastian didn’t know he had. Sam and Blaine were always so ridiculous together, and that hasn’t changed, put that together with Sonny and Brittany and you’ve got a comedy show on your hands. Sebastian and Santana keep to themselves mostly, exchanging smack talk, insulting each other and trying to sabotage each other’s turns. It’s all very normal.

Sebastian forgets for an hour or so the hurt and pain caused by the boy in bright yellow pants – it seems his fashion sense hasn’t changed much and Sebastian quite likes that about him. In the end, he admits only to himself, that he had a pretty good time. He and Blaine still don’t speak much, though, it’s weird. They talk a little but it’s small talk, that kind of conversation you have with new people, friends of friends. 

The game comes to an end. Sonny wins, Sam calls him a cheater (very mature) and Brittany asks if they can get ice-cream. Santana is the first to say yes, followed by Blaine. Sonny and Sam are still bickering. 

“This has been fun!” Sam declares once they’re all outside of the bowling alley, Brittany trying to decide where she wants to get ice-cream. “Can we make this, like, a biweekly thing?” he asks, hopeful.

_ No,  _ Sebastian thinks.  _ Absolutely _ _ not. _

“Yes, I’m down for that,” Sonny agrees, of course.

“I think that’s a good idea,” Blaine also agrees. Sebastian looks at him, interested in his answer, mostly because Blaine is looking right at him with a sort of hopeful expression on his face. A small smile tugs at Sebastian’s lips. 

“I actually think I’m going to take off.” Blaine has the nerve to look disappointed. At least Sebastian’s not planning on taking off without a word. For five years. 

_ Stop, Sebastian. _

“Aw, Seb, come on. Get ice-cream with us,” Sonny pleads.

“I have plans.” Lie. He knows it, they know it, Sonny especially knows it. But maybe Hunter will be free to get wasted with Sebastian because he certainly is in need of a drink after this and that way it won’t be lying. His coping mechanisms haven’t changed over the years – booze and one-night stands with pretty boys with even prettier mouths get him through. He is who he is and he isn’t about to change because the way he deals with things haven’t let him down yet.

“You always have been a let-down, Smythe,” Santana comments.

“A beautiful let-down,” he retorts.

A part of him wants Blaine to ask him to stay but he knows he won’t. He doesn’t know if he would stay, even if he did ask. It’s selfish to want something he wouldn’t give, he thinks, but he also thinks he’s allowed to be a little selfish when it comes to Blaine Anderson.

Sonny pouts at him and he rolls his eyes, promises that they’ll do something together tomorrow. His brother hesitates to agree but eventually he does and Sebastian feels a little bit lighter that the conversation can end and he can finally leave. He tells them all to have a good night, and pick the right ice-cream flavour which is, of course, mint choc chip. He turns to leave before they do, getting his phone out to text Hunter to make sure his dumbass best friend is free. 

He’s typing out the text as he hears Blaine calling his name. He freezes slightly for a second and then stops dead in his tracks. He finishes his text, ‘be ready in half an hour, we’re getting drunk’ and puts his phone away.

“Hey,” Blaine says once he’s behind Sebastian and Sebastian turns around to face him, forcing a smile on his face. Maybe dealing with Blaine in a crowd is easier than dealing with him one and one.

“What’s up?” he asks. He honestly surprises himself every time he speaks to Blaine and his voice doesn’t break, thinks he sounds calm in his own ears and he hopes that’s how Blaine hears it. He hopes Blaine sees him as this cool, calm collected guy and not someone who isn’t over him and wishes he could vanish whenever he’s near him.

Blaine’s quiet for a few moments and it’s awkward, the air and the silence  are uncomfortable. They both feel it. 

He hates it. 

“Can we...” he stops, rethinks what he’s about it  say . “Do you want to get coffee with me tomorrow?”

Sebastian was not expecting that, he doesn’t know what he was expecting but that certainly wasn’t it. He doesn’t know what to say and he always knows what to say.

“If you’re not free, it’s okay,” Blaine adds when it becomes clear Sebastian isn’t about to say anything to fill the silence that’s settled between them. “I know you just said you would do something with Sonny tomorrow but it would only be for an hour at the most. We don’t even have to get coffee if you don’t want to, we can do whatever, I’m easy.” He’s rambling. He’s nervous, Sebastian knows when he’s nervous. He knows Blaine won’t shut up until someone shuts him up.

“An hour?” he says, it’s more of a question. Blaine nods.

“Okay,” Sebastian agrees mostly because he’s curious as to why Blaine wants to see him tomorrow.  _ For an hour at most. _ “Stop by the bar, though, I’ll be there from eleven.” Now it’s on his turf he feels a little bit better about it.

Blaine looks a little surprised Sebastian agrees. “Yeah, I can do that. I’ll stop by about half past eleven, if that works for you?”

“That works,” he confirms.

“Okay. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“See you tomorrow.”

Blaine awkwardly smiles before he turns to walk back to the group. 

Sebastian  _ really _ needs that drink now and thankfully Hunter has replied saying he’s free and they can meet at Sebastian’s bar. Him and Hunter hadn’t gotten off on the right foot in High School, Sebastian hadn’t been keen on him but somewhere along the way they had become friends. They’ve actually become best friends. Sebastian never had too many friends growing up, not real friends anyway, and he definitely hadn’t had a best friend. Who knew Hunter Clarington would fill that spot?

He tells Hunter about his outing today, and the encounter at the bar last week, Hunter doesn’t really give Sebastian his opinion on the situation but he knows he’ll have some. He’s good with Sebastian, he knows when to give his opinion on things and when not to. And right know all Sebastian needs is to get drunk and not think about Blaine and Hunter knows that. They have too much to drink, too many shots, and Sebastian is too drunk to even fall into bed with a stranger so he goes home alone.

Sonny’s on his couch when he gets home; he must have fallen asleep watching a movie, and he tries his best not to wake him up as he stumbles into his bedroom and falls into his bed. The rooms spinning even with his eyes closed and he’s uncomfortable in the jeans he’s wearing but he’s too drunk and too tired to do anything about it. He eventually falls asleep when the feeling of needing to be sick goes away, and the unknown knowledge of the two unread texts from Blaine.

** [02:33am Blaine Anderson]  ** I baked brownies, so I’m bringing you some tomorrow because as always, I made too many.

** [02:36am Blaine Anderson] ** I hope you enjoyed your night. 


	3. i should go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy hump day! :) enjoy chapter threeeee x
> 
> (also i would apologise for how much sonny is in this fic BUT he's my bby, he's a character i've had for years and i will put him anywhere i can)

Sonny is so loud on a morning. Too goddamn loud. Sebastian wants to murder him all over again. He groans as he flips onto his back, not daring to open his eyes or lift his head because he knows the dull  headache will only worsen once that happens. Hangovers will be the death of him and yet he never learns, always drinks too much and mixes the drinks he does have. He’ll blame Hunter this time.

He lays there for a few minutes, letting the sound of Sonny’s music wash over him. The fact he can hear it word for word just proves it’s too loud. The only reason he finally gets out of bed is if he  doesn’t, he may wet the bed at the age of twenty-five. He groans as he sits up, eyes shutting tightly as he tries to get over the worst part of waking up with a hangover, the initial head lift which makes his headache ten times worse. He quickly changes into some light grey sweatpants and a black hoodie. Comfort, food, and popsicles are the only things that are going to get him through today.

He death glares Sonny as he walks to the bathroom and Sonny just smiles sweetly at him. He gets the quickest shower known to man just to wash away last  night's antics – at least he hadn’t woken up in a  stranger's . Once he’s brushes his  teeth, he makes his way back out to where Sonny is in the kitchen.

“Do you have to be so loud?” he asks and Sonny does, to Sebastian’s surprise, turn the music down.

“It’s ten o’clock, you’ve got to be at the bar in an hour and I thought this would be a safer way to wake you up then actually going into your bedroom to do it. You might have killed me,” Sonny replies, waving the fork in his head at Sebastian.

The bar. Blaine. Fuck.

If he was a child, he would whine and say he didn’t want to go but he doesn't because he's a grown ass adult who runs his own business. 

He just grunts in reply. Very business-owner like.

It’s quiet for a few moments as Sonny continues to cook and the next thing Sebastian notices is the plate in front of him containing eggs, bacon and sausages. 

“At least you’re good for something,” Sebastian comments with a grin before he digs into the food placed in front of him.

“Rude,” Sonny retorts as he tidies the kitchen up.

“I’ll text you when I’m done at the bar and then we can do whatever you want. Expect it’s just me and you,” he warns.

Sonny just grins sweetly back at his brother. “Just me and you, got it.”

“I hate you for last night, just so you know.”

Sonny turns to face Sebastian, looking far too pleased with himself. 

“Why do you hate me for it?” he asks, eyebrows raised in interest.

Sebastian narrows his eyes. “Because, Sonny, a warning that my ex was going to be there might have been nice.”

“You wouldn’t have come.”

“Damn right I wouldn’t have come.”

Sonny crosses his arms over his chest, still looking too pleased with himself and Sebastian  doesn't understand why.

“How are you even friends with Blaine and Sam? You met them once.”

“They were fun! And super nice, and Sam likes all the same stuff I do, so I decided we were all going to be friends.”

Just what Sebastian needs, his brother being friends with his ex and his ex’s best friend. The universe hates him.

“Well keep me out of that friendship.”

Maybe he’s being childish, maybe he’s been dramatic, he doesn’t know and he doesn’t care. If Sonny wants to be friends with them, fine but that doesn’t mean Sebastian needs to be involved.

“Aren’t you seeing Blaine today?”

Sonny sounds too innocent and Sebastian’s head snaps up to look  at him, eyes narrowed.

“We’re not hanging out or anything, he wants to talk, he gets an hour to do so and that’s it.”  Sebastian didn’t know if that was the case at all but that’s what he was going with right now because he didn’t want there to be anything more to it. God help him if Blaine asks to be friends.

“I like him,” Sonny says as if he’s just made that decision.

“Okay.”

Sebastian used to like Blaine, too.

Sonny, thankfully, doesn’t continue the conversation and Sebastian is left to enjoy his breakfast in peace. It definitely helps with the hangover a little bit. 

It’s not often Sebastian leaves the house in sweatpants but he is honestly not feeling today at all so that’s what he’s staying in. He goes back to his bedroom to grab his wallet, keys and phone. When he picks his phone up and it lights up, he sees he has multiple notifications and his chest feels like it’s  tightened when he sees Blaine’s name.

He hadn’t deleted his number and he  doesn't want to talk about it.

** [02:33am Blaine Anderson]  ** I baked brownies, so I’m bringing you some tomorrow because as always, I made too many.

** [02:36am Blaine Anderson] ** I hope you enjoyed your night.

They’re innocent messages.  Unnecessary messages, ones that you don’t need to reply to. Friendly messages. They serve no purpose, not really, and yet here Sebastian is, overthinking them. Blaine only bakes when he’s upset, or his mind is working in overdrive. At least that’s why he used to bake. Five years is a long time to not know someone, it could have changed.

He puts his phone in his pocket, doesn’t reply, doesn’t read anyone  else's messages. He’s going to be late if he doesn’t leave now anyway so he heads for the door,  shouting a quick goodbye to Sonny as he leaves. The  sooner he gets to the bar, the  sooner he sees Blaine and that results in Blaine leaving and hopefully being the last time Sebastian will have to endure his ex-boyfriend.

Sebastian is two beers deep by the time Blaine shows up, he hadn’t planned on drinking but what makes you bad makes you better, right? That’s totally how it works. Science. He hasn’t gotten much work done either, he needed to skype with his  business partner which he  postponed so he’s mostly been annoying Chad, one of his bar staff, because it’s funny and Chad gets annoyed easily.

Chad’s pouring Sebastian his third beer as Blaine walks over to him. He looks good, fuck, and true to his message he has a  Tupperware box filled with brownies. He’s wearing black shoes, a pair of black trousers and a soft looking white sweater that Sebastian thinks he looks  adorable in - n _ o, stop. _

“Hi,” Blaine greets just as Sebastian takes the beer from Chad.

“Thanks,” he says to Chad with a smile before turning to give Blaine his full attention.

“Hey,” he replies. He feels awkward.

“Can I get you a drink?” Chad asks Blaine.

“No, I’m okay thank you,” he  politely declines and Chad just smiles in response before he leaves them to it.

Sebastian takes a slow, long drink of his beer just for something to do, as Blaine stands there, holding a box of brownies and looking like he wishes he was anywhere else. Sebastian can relate but it was Blaine’s idea so, yeah, he can suffer the awkward silence as much as Sebastian is.

“Do you want to get a table?” Blaine asks. Sebastian wants to  laugh; the bar is practically empty so being sat here doesn’t make a difference but he agrees anyway. He finds them a table  furthest away from the bar.

Blaine places the Tupperware box on the table as he sits down, sitting directly across from Sebastian who is leaning back, chair pushed back more than it usually would be if he was with anyone else but he kind of wants to keep a safe distance between them. He’s holding his beer in one hand, staring directly at Blaine. He’s not doing the other any favours, he’s not breaking the silence, or  asking why he’s here, he’s not starting this. Blaine can.

“How was your night?” is what Blaine starts with. It’s a poor start. Small talk is what they’re doing, apparently, okay Sebastian can play along. 

“Fun.  World's worst hangover right now, though.” Blaine looks to the beer and laughs. “Hair of the dog, it’s actually making me feel better,” he adds.

“It must be handy owning a bar.”

“I’m  surprised it hasn’t turned me into an  alcoholic.”

“Who did you go out with?” Blaine asks.

“Hunter. Now he could be a borderline  alcoholic ,” he jokes. It’s not true but Hunter wasn’t a big drinker, still isn’t really, but whenever they go out these days it’s usually Hunter’s idea and it’s been becoming a little more regularly than it previously had been. He cares too much about his image  in reality  and Sebastian is the blessed person who gets to witness Hunter Clarington in his worst states.

“Hunter?” Blaine asks.

“Oh, yeah. Final year of college we bumped into  each other; I haven’t been able to get rid of him since.”

“Huh,”

“What?” Sebastian asks.

“Nothing, I just didn’t really see you two being friends.”

“People change,” is his response, a little snippier than he intended it to be. But people do change, for the worst sometimes. “He’s a good guy.”

“Sorry, I didn’t mean anything by it. I just hadn’t expected it, is all,” Blaine clarifies. Sebastian knew what Blaine meant but he  didn't get to expect or assume anything about Sebastian’s life.

_ I hadn’t expected you to walk out on me, for no apparent  _ _ reason _ _ , but here we are. _ Sebastian wants to say but he doesn’t, he can’t.

“How’s Cooper?” Sebastian finds himself asking. While he and Blaine had only been together almost eleven months, he managed to get to know Cooper and found himself  absolutely (platonically) in love with him. He was ridiculous and the type of person Sebastian  usually wouldn’t give the time of day to but those Anderson brothers really knew how to get you hooked.

Blaine’s mood seems to automatically lighten at the question and Sebastian hadn’t really noticed how off he'd been until right then. Was Sebastian making him uncomfortable? _Good,_ he thought, _I hope I am_.

“Really good. He’s actually coming to visit in a couple of weeks. Sam’s really excited about it, I think he’s more excited than I am. He’s thinking about moving to New York, which I would love him to do.” Blaine always did sound so fond talking about Cooper. Their relationship, from what Sebastian gathered, hadn’t always been the best but they both wanted to work at it and now it seems they’re in a good place. Sebastian knows all about having a brother living in the same city as him after years of being worlds apart so good for them.

“It’s nice, having your brother close by. I can vouch,” he replies with a smile and it’s the first time he’s properly smiled around Blaine but the way Blaine looks sad again makes it fall right off his face. 

“What?” Sebastian asks, confused. He thought this was going okay, despite the fact he still had no idea why Blaine was here.

“Why did you never tell me about Sonny?”

Oh. That.

Sebastian may or may not finish the rest of his beer.

“Long story,” is his answer. And it’s true, sort of. Expect not really. “And you only have an hour.” Sebastian means it as a joke, though as soon as he’s said  it, he regrets it just because of the look on Blaine’s face.

“Blaine, I’m kidding.”

“I know, sorry.”

Sebastian sighs, shuffling his chair closer to the table. He leans forward slightly, arms resting on the table. 

“What is this?” he finds himself asking. So much for not being the one to start whatever this is.

Blaine looks confused.

“I mean, why did you ask to see me today?”

“I wanted to talk to you, I wanted to see you, away from a group.”

“Right... but why?” Sebastian’s going to get an answer that isn’t vague as hell even if he has to keep poking. It doesn’t make any sense. It’s been five years, they  didn't keep in touch, it was Blaine who left him not the other way around. It doesn't make sense.

“To apologise.”

He hasn’t apologised, though, hasn’t even tried to. Sebastian isn’t sure what an apology would do, how it would help. It might make Blaine feel better but that’s selfish. It certainly isn’t going to make Sebastian feel better. It isn’t needed, either.

“It’s water under the bridge, Blaine.” 

Blaine shakes his head. “It isn’t, not for me. I am sorry.”

Okay, so they’re doing this.

“Sorry for what?” Sebastian asks. “For leaving me? People leave, people are allowed to leave. Don’t apologise for not wanting to continue our relationship, feelings change, you’re entitled to your feelings.” 

Sebastian is proud of  himself; he may still be bitter that Blaine left him for no reason but there was a reason, wasn’t there, Blaine’s feelings or better yet Blaine's lack of feelings.

“No, not for that – well, yes, for that. But I mean for the way I left. I didn’t handle it well at all, and I really am sorry for that.”

Sebastian scoffs at that. Is Blaine  serious right now? He doesn’t want to talk about it, or think about it, he’s spent five years  actively not thinking about it. And now  Blaine is here, apologising for it as if that’s going to make it all better.

“I think your hour might be up,” Sebastian replies and Blaine looks shocked, hurt.

“Seb...”

“No, Blaine. You came here to apologise, you’ve apologised. Well done, you get your good deed for the day but  unfortunately your apology is five years too late.”

“I know it’s too late, I didn’t come here for your forgiveness or to make myself feel better. I owed you an apology. I didn’t mean to upset you.”

Blaine  genuinely sounds apologetic, like he regrets it, like he wishes it never happened. Sebastian is CEO of that, though, Blaine doesn't get to sweep in here and take his place.

“Look,” Sebastian sighs, wanting this conversation to be over. “Shit happens, okay? And like I said you don’t need to apologise for leaving me, and I hear your apology for how it happened but that’s all I can do. I’m not trying to be an ass about it, either, I just... can’t.”

He can’t forgive him.

He thought if this day ever came, if Blaine ever did show up and apologise, say he wishes he could change it, Sebastian would be angry, he would tell Blaine to shove it, would tell him to get out of his face, tell him he doesn’t forgive him and never will. And while he may still be angry about it, he’s not angry enough to show it, to be mean to Blaine, to make Blaine feel bad. He doesn’t want Blaine to feel bad.

“No, no, I understand. I get it, I really do. I just needed to say it.”

Sebastian smiles, a small smile, lips still pressed together kind of smile.

“And you’re entitled to say it.”

“Okay,” Blaine says, returning the smile, as he stands up. Sebastian follows suit.

“Thanks for the brownies,” Sebastian says as he taps the top of the Tupperware box. “I’m sure I’ll see you around, if Sonny has a say in it anyway, he’s really set on you, him and Sam being the best of friends.”

“If it’s weird for you -”

“It’s fine,” Sebastian assures him. It’s a little weird but Sebastian isn’t about to stop his brother from being friends with two people who would probably understand him, maybe help him come out of his shell a little bit. He thinks Sam and Blaine will be good for Sonny.

“Okay.”

“Okay,” Sebastian repeats. “Bye.”

“Bye,” Blaine repeats.

Sebastian grabs the Tupperware box and makes his way into the back of the bar, into his little office space. He will not watch Blaine walk away, and he has no desire to play twenty questions with Chad - that would be inevitable because Chad is as nosy as they come.

He flops into his office chair, throwing the Tupperware box onto his desk, and lets out the biggest sigh. He’s made it without Blaine for the past five years, he can continue to do so, even if he’s going to be back in his life, sort of. Out of sight, out of mind had worked really well so far but that doesn’t seem to be an option anymore and Sebastian’s not sure how this will play out.

He’s kind of terrified.


	4. cooper anderson.

“I heard a rumour that you wouldn’t be attending tonight.”

Sebastian’s head shoots up and the one and only Cooper Anderson is standing in front of him. Sebastian's at the bar, like he always is when he has nothing to do. He'd behind the bar and Cooper is across from him. He can't help but smile at the older man before him, he hadn't seen him in years. He knew Cooper was coming to New York to visit but he hasn't really seen or spoken to Blaine much since their little meeting a couple of weeks ago. He knows Sonny has been spending a lot of time with Blaine and Sam but Sebastian likes to keep himself out of that.

“What are you doing here?” he asks, a smirk set on his lips.

“I know Blaine told you I was coming to visit, and I know you know my welcome drinks are  happening right here, in your very own bar, and yet,” he says, dramatic as ever, hand on his chest, “you won’t be here?”

“I have plans,” Sebastian says.

“Sebastian Alexander Smythe, what could be more important than me?” Cooper asks eyebrow raised.

“Sex, Coop, sex is more important.”

Cooper gasps. “ Blasphemy ! I am the most  important .”

Sebastian likes how  easy-going Cooper is, how easy it still seems to be between them. He didn’t know what he had expected it to be like between them, he didn’t know where Cooper stood on his and Blaine’s break up. Cooper probably knew all the ins and outs, though, Blaine never kept anything from his older brother. Although, five years is a long time to get over something and it wasn’t like Cooper was directly involved.

“ Sure you are,” Sebastian responds, a  smirk set on his lips.

“Is it a date?” Cooper asks, wiggling his eyebrows.

Sebastian laughs. “Sometimes I go on dates.”

“Just for the lay?”

“Just for the lay,” Sebastian confirms. He will never admit it out loud but sometimes he hopes he goes on a date with someone and actually wants to see them past the sex part of it but it never happens, he  doesn't know if it ever will. 

“Can I tell you a secret?” Cooper asks.

“You’re trusting me with a secret?”

Cooper nods.

“Okay, then, reveal your secret, Coop.”

“I’m moving to New York.”

Sebastian can’t help but smile, he knows how happy Blaine is going to be about that. “Wait,” he starts, narrowing his eyes, “how is that a secret? Blaine said you were thinking about it.”

“But now it’s confirmed and Blaine doesn’t know that yet, I told him I couldn’t find anywhere to live.  _ But _ I have an apartment so you’re stuck with me,” he says with a grin.

Sebastian is happy about that, happy for Cooper and for Blaine, and for himself a little bit. He just  doesn't know how he feels about the Anderson's coming back into his life all of a sudden, it’s like the universe playing a trick on him. They’re both here again but it’s not the same and he  hates that it isn’t.

“What?” Cooper deadpans.

“Nothing, nothing,” Sebastian rushes to say,  snapping out of his thoughts. “I’m happy for you, honestly.”

Cooper just smiles, opens his mouth to say something and then snaps it shut. Sebastian looks  at him for a few moments, wondering what the other was going to say but he  doesn't have to wonder for too long.

“How are things between you and Blaine?”

Sebastian looks away, shrugs his shoulders. “There isn’t a me and Blaine.”

“ So, I’m still your favourite Anderson?” Cooper jokes.

“ Of course you are,” Sebastian confirms with a grin. He isn’t, obviously, but it had been a running joke between them, just to annoy Blaine. Sebastian had  always called Cooper his favourite Anderson, Blaine would always pout so they kept it up.

“You know, you might end up being my second favourite Smythe,” Cooper says.

“Ah, yeah. Have you met Sonny yet?”

Cooper shakes his head. “Why was he a secret, anyway?”

“He  wasn't ,”

“Nobody knew he existed, Sebastian.”

Sebastian doesn’t know how to explain why he never told anyone about Sonny because that means he’d have to admit his horrible relationship with his father and he doesn’t want to. If he doesn’t speak about his father, it isn’t real. He wants to forget about his childhood, thank you very much.

“Well now you do, and I’m sure you’ll meet him tonight and fall in love with him. Everyone else has.” Including himself. He’s maybe a little, or a lot, bitter he never got to grow up with him but he knows damn well he’s taking advantage of having him in his life now.

“Can’t wait,” Cooper says with a grin. “And I better see you there,” he adds as his points at him.

Sebastian holds his hand up in defeat. “I’ll make an  appearance just for you,” he promises. Cooper seems satisfied with that. They spend some more time together, just having a couple of drinks and catching up. Cooper doesn’t mention Blaine again, he mostly asks about the bar and Sonny, about his love life, or lack of love life. And Sebastian asks about the move, tells him he’ll help with whatever he needs. It’s nice and Sebastian feels lighter once Cooper leaves.

Sebastian doesn’t turn up to Cooper’s welcome drinks until eleven. His phone had been blowing up with texts from both Sonny and Cooper, wondering how his date was going and when he’d be coming to the bar. Cooper had asked several times if he had gotten lucky and if Sebastian was bringing his date which no, of course he wasn’t. Not with Blaine there.

So, he turns up alone, after what was a pretty good date. He had slept with him, which was a given, but he’d also said he wanted to see him again. It had come as a shock to him, if he was honest, but Greyson had sparked a little bit of something inside of him that he hadn't felt for a while. And okay maybe it was the alcohol but he would find out of date number two, wouldn’t he?

“Look who finally decided to show their face,” Cooper beams as he wraps an arm around Sebastian’s shoulder, pulling him into a  one-armed hug. He’s definitely had a few drinks.

“Said I would, didn’t I?” 

“You never let me down, second favourite Smythe,” Cooper says with a shit eating grin on his face.

Sebastian laughs, shaking his head. “ Of course, you love Sonny the most, I’m not surprised.”

“He’s sunshine, like actual sunshine. I will never forgive you for keeping him for us. Blaine agrees, too, and so does Sam. Even Santana loves him and Santana only loves her girlfriend.”

He smiles fondly, looks over to see Sonny with Blaine, Sam, Santana and Britt. He’s happy Sonny is happy, he’s happy everyone loves him as much as Sebastian does as well.

Sebastian orders everyone another round of drinks as Cooper goes back to the group,  announcing that Sebastian is here. Blaine catches his eye and smiles so Sebastian smiles back but quickly turns back to Chad while the drinks are being made.

He carries a tray over with the drinks, and a shot for everyone, which Cooper is more than happy to accept. Everyone else kind of grumbles because they don’t want to be hungover tomorrow but tough. “It’s Cooper’s welcome party, if you’re not all hungover tomorrow you're not allowed back in my bar,” he warns.

So the shots get taken and Sebastian basks in all the grimaces on his friends faces. 

“Hey,” Blaine says to Sebastian after they've all greeted Sebastian. Everyone else is currently listening to Cooper tell them about the time he had sex with a co-worker and nearly got caught by their boss.

“Not a fun story for you to listen to?” Sebastian asks, smirking.

Blaine laughs, shaking his head. “ Unfortunately , I’ve heard it before, and I’m not sure I want to hear it again.”

Sebastian takes a sip of his beer. He hates that he  doesn't know how to speak to Blaine anymore. He doesn’t know how to be just friends with him. They never really were just friends, were they? Evan at school there was always a little bit more, they both knew it, but Blaine had Kurt. He always had Kurt.

“Oh, by the way, Cooper’s staying!” Blaine says  excitedly . 

Sebastian doesn’t want to rain on his parade so he doesn’t mention that he knows, he’ll let have Blaine have this moment. “That’s great, Blaine. I’m happy for you.”

“Thanks,” Blaine says, still grinning. He’s drunk, Sebastian can tell, he’s always a little bit looser when he’s had a drink. Like anyone, really, but Sebastian had always liked seeing it on Blaine. The first time they’d ever gone out together,  unfortunately Kurt was there, had made him see Blaine in a different light. When they had been  together, he got to see it without alcohol being involved, he got to see all the sides to Blaine. He loves – _loved_ – every side he got to see.

“Now we both have our brothers with us,” Blaine adds. “That’s so great. I love that for us. Isn’t that great?” Blaine asks. He’s shifted closer to Sebastian  now; their arms are touching and Sebastian feels hot all over. He knows it isn’t just because of the booze.

He suddenly feels guilty for having been on a date and now being here with Blaine. It’s ridiculous, he has no reason to feel guilty. They haven’t been together for a long time.

“It is pretty great,” Sebastian agrees.

“Thank you, by the way,” Blaine suddenly sounds softer and it throws Sebastian because he has  absolutely no idea why Blaine is thanking him.

“What for?” Sebastian asks.

“For letting us drink here tonight, for letting me have Sonny in my life, for not pushing me out of yours – even if I do deserve it. Just – thank you. I know it probably isn’t easy for you –”

Sebastian cuts him off then because no.  Absolutely not. Blaine thanking him had started off fine, it was honestly quite nice, but it’s not easy for Sebastian? Even if that’s true Blaine doesn’t get to just assume. Fuck that. He’s been  absolutely fine without Blaine in his life; he doesn’t get to just waltz back into it and assume Sebastian can’t handle it. 

“Actually, it’s easy enough, Blaine,” Sebastian sounds harsher than he means to be.

“ _Oh_ ,” Blaine breathes out, averting his eyes.

“Just because I don’t want you in my life doesn’t mean it’s hard for me, it just means you don’t get to be in my life anymore. And that’s that.” A pause. “But that was your choice,” he adds for good measure.

“I didn’t mean –”

“You did but forget it, okay? We’re good, it’s all good.”  Blaine is not about to back track  now; Sebastian won’t let him.

He can see Cooper and Sonny looking at them both, they both look  concerned and he doesn’t know who they’re feeling the concern for. For Blaine because Sebastian had said what he had? Or for Sebastian because they agree with Blaine? Because they somehow know it’s hard for Sebastian to have Blaine back in his life? 

“Yeah, we’re good. Sorry – it's the alcohol. But still... Thank you,” Blaine says again. He smiles but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes and for a second Sebastian kicks himself for making Blaine feel bad.

“You’re welcome,” he says simply. He doesn't smile back. He finishes his drink before he goes to the bar to order another one. He ignores the looks, ignores the way Sonny and Cooper go  straight to Blaine. At least that answers his question, they felt concerned for Blaine. He doesn’t know if that makes him feel better or worse.

The rest of the night goes okay. They all get progressively more drunk and it’s nice, honestly, Sebastian feels safe with these people – even Blaine, even after their strained conversation. Blaine doesn’t try and speak to him alone for the rest of the night, though, and Sebastian doesn’t blame him. Sebastian may be drunk but he doesn’t miss the way Blaine keeps looking over at him; he feels like he’s being watched and he doesn’t know what Blaine wants from him. It’s unnerving, if he’s honest.

He forces himself to not think about it, though, he lets himself get lost in ridiculous conversations with Sam and Sonny about the Marvel universe, let’s Santana tease him about his date, and before he knows  it, they’re all heading home. Sam and Blaine split off, Sebastian hadn’t realised they lived together until tonight, Santana and Britt live close by to Sebastian so the three of them and Sonny head off together and Cooper heads off alone.  Apparently, Blaine had said he could stay with him and Sam until his apartment was ready but he had  insisted on staying in a hotel.

When it’s just Sebastian and Sonny in the apartment, Sonny hugs him. Sebastian  doesn't know  why; he doesn’t ask and Sonny doesn’t explain. He hugs him back, though.

He pulls back and smiles at Sonny.

“Have fun  tonight ?” Sebastian asks.

Sonny nods. “I did! It was fun. Cooper is _ so  _ hot, I mean... what the hell? He’s ridiculous and hot and I may have a little crush on him.”

Sebastian laughs, shakes his head. “He’s way too old for you.”

“I know! I don’t want to date him. He’s just pretty.”

“ Mhmm ,” Sebastian says, eying his brother as if to say ‘don’t you dare.’ Sonny just laughs but then he’s  distracted by his phone ringing. He wonders who could be calling Sonny this late but he doesn’t have time to ask because Sonny is disappearing into the bathroom.

Sebastian gets changed into some more  comfortable clothing. He isn’t tried, he knows he’ll be awake for a while so he grabs his laptop and heads to the couch. He’ll probably just watch a movie until he falls  asleep .

As soon as he’s settled on the couch, Sonny comes out of the bathroom. He  practically bounces over to where Sebastian is. “Guess what?”

“What?” Sebastian asks, looking up to him.

“No, you have to guess!”

Sebastian groans. “Give me a clue.”

“My birthday.”

Sebastian pulls a face. “Shit clue,” he replies.

“You’re no fun,” he says as he flops down onto the couch next to his brother. “Dad’s coming to visit.”

Sebastian didn’t know four simple words could make him feel cold all over. He stills, eyes wide, his feels a shiver run down his spine. He’s suddenly very sober. Sonny isn’t really paying attention to Sebastian, he’s on his phone, and Sebastian is thankful for that. He doesn't want Sonny to see how badly he has reacted to the news; he'd ask questions Sebastian doesn't want to answer.

He quickly composes himself, swallows thickly. He takes a deep breath. He’s okay.

“Uh, when?”

“For my birthday, duh!” Sonny laughs.

Okay, his birthday is in just over a month. Sebastian kind of wishes they hadn’t found out so soon. He’s going to be dreading the day for over a month?! How is that fair?

“How long is he staying for?”

“A week. He says he can't miss my 21 st . This is awesome, Seb. We all get to be together.”

Awesome, yeah, not quite the word Sebastian would use to describe that situation but Sonny  doesn 't know and Sebastian will never tell him. He has to be happy for him, has to act like it’s all okay. 

A week. He can handle a week. It’s not like he'll have to see his father the whole week he’s here. He’ll be working as well, and his father will more than likely not want to see Sebastian that much anyway. He feels panicked, though, like someone’s punched him in the chest and he can’t breathe properly.

“Yeah, yeah. It’ll be nice, Sonny, I’m glad he’ll get to be there for  it.” It’s a lie, it’s a goddamn lie.  He’s happy for Sonny on some level but no, he doesn’t want this. But it isn’t about him, is it? It’s about Sonny and his 21 st so he’ll suck it up. 

Sonny just grins at him before he gets up off of the couch and goes into the guestroom leaving Sebastian to his silent panic. He puts a movie on but he doesn’t pay attention to it, he can’t really focus on anything other than the thoughts in his head. He’s trying to figure out a way he doesn’t have to see his father expect on Sonny’s actual birthday.

_ It’s fine. It’s fine. It’s fine. _

He  keeps repeating it to himself,  like a mantra , until he falls asleep. 

It’s fine.


	5. le queers.

It has been two weeks since Sonny broke the new to Sebastian that their father was coming to visit and Sebastian was doing everything he could to stay busy so he could distract himself from the impending doom. He knew it was still a little while away but when the one person who hates you more than anyone else in the world is coming to visit, you tend to worry slightly. 

Keeping busy has been easy, though, he has Sonny, Hunter, the bar, and he’s even been on a couple more dates with Greyson. It isn't anything serious, Greyson was nice but at the end of the day he wasn’t who Sebastian wanted. He hasn’t been serious about anyone since Blaine; to be honest he wasn’t serious about anyone until Blaine.  _Huh._

He’s even hung out with Sonny, Sam _and_ Blaine a couple of times. It had been civil, a little awkward for Sebastian but nobody ever really noticed or if they did, they didn’t mention it and Sebastian was thankful for that. He figures the more Blaine is around, the easier it will get. So far it hasn’t gotten any easier but there’s time, right? Maybe with time he’ll get over the panicked feeling in his chest every time he catches himself enjoying being around Blaine, every time he remembers how much he actually likes this boy, how much he’s always liked him. He thought he was over him but he mistakenly took not thinking about him, ever, with being over him and wasn’t that a fun realization to have whilst he was listening to Sonny and Sam debate Marvel characters _again_ , Blaine looking at the pair with the fondest expression on his face. He realised in that same moment he missed Blaine looking at _him_ like that. 

And ever since then he has tried a little bit harder with Blaine, he’s stopped getting defensive over everything he says to him, he’s even been the one to start a conversation between them and it hasn’t ended with Sebastian saying something mean and walking away so he’d call that progress. 

Blaine also started texting Sebastian more, Sebastian didn’t always reply but it was nice to know that in that moment Blaine was thinking about him. They were always picture messages, pictures of dogs or silly street names, Sebastian's favourite donut when Blaine got them, pictures of cocktails that always came with the caption 'you make them better'. Sebastian didn't always reply, the messages don’t always warrant a reply and Blaine still kept sending them so it wasn't like Blaine was offended with the lack of replies from Sebastian. 

Their most recent text conversation had lasted a little longer because Sebastian actually replied.

**[Blaine Anderson]** So I heard through the theatre grapevine that they were doing an Off-Broadway production of Bare: The Musical

Sebastian couldn't not reply to that, it may or may not be his favourite musical but if asked he always said Newsies. Of course Blaine knew Bare was his favourite, they have had many conversations surrounding musical theatre. He always thought Blaine would be an amazing Peter; he honestly just wanted to hear him sing Role of a Lifetime which Blaine would never do for him because he was rude.

**[Sebastian]** Don't get my hopes up like that, Anderson

**[Blaine Anderson]** I wouldn't do that to you. My source is legit

**[Sebastian]** I'll believe it when I see it

 **[Sebastian]** But honestly I'm excited about it

 **[Blaine Anderson]** I knew you would be

Sebastian had just smiled at the response but didn't reply. Blaine still seemed to remember so much about Sebastian and he didn't know why he was surprised by that because Sebastian still remembered so much about Blaine as well. It was sad to think that Blaine was the person who knew him better than anyone - or maybe he didn't anymore. Though he did think if there was a Sebastian Quiz, Blaine would win. Sonny would come second, he hoped. He got over it quickly, though, because so what if his ex boyfriend that left him without saying goodbye is the person who knows him best? Why does it matter?

Sebastian was alone one Thursday night, he's decided he needs to just relax and stop for a five seconds. He was constantly on the go lately just to keep his mind busy, but he was mentally exhausted. He was laying on his couch, a beer in hand, while watching Queer as Folk when his phone started pinging a lot more than it usually does, text after text. He groans when he picks up his phone to see he's been added to a group chat, he hates group chats. He never participates in them and always has them muted. The group chat consists of himself, Sonny, Sam, Blaine, Santana and Brittany. 

**[Sebastian]** What is this?

**[Sonny Smythe]** welcome to le queers x

**[Sebastian]** No

**[Sam Evans]** i think it's a good gc name!

**[Santana Lopez]** It's awful

**[Sonny Smythe]** n e wayze

**[Sonny Smythe]** weekend trip?

**[Sebastian]** You literally study English why do you type like that?

**[Sebastian]** A weekend trip to where exactly?

**[Sonny]** stop being home of phobic abt how i write

**[Sebastian]** I hate you

**[Sam Evans]** we think it'll be fun to get away for the weekend just to a cabin, chilling out, drinking, playing games. a hot tub!

**[Sonny Smythe]** and we may have already booked it for tomorrow so u all have to come

**[Santana Lopez]** Me and Britt are in

**[Blaine Anderson]** I already knew about this and have already confirmed but for the audit trail, I'm also in 

**[Sonny Smythe]** yaaaay

**[Sonny Smythe]** sebbbbb??

**[Sebastian]** No

**[Sonny Smythe]** :(

His phone starts ringing then and of course it's Sonny.

"What?" Sebastian says by way of greeting when he answers the phone."You were just kidding, right? Cause you _are_ coming," Sonny says.

Sebastian rolls his eyes. "Why do I need to come?"

"Even numbers," is Sonny's response and Sebastian can't help but laugh.

"You, Sam and Blaine hang out all the time and three definitely isn't an even number," he argues.

Sebastian can handle seeing Blaine for a couple of hours here and there, can handle the short text conversations they have every now and again, but a whole weekend with him? Okay, yeah, he knows there will be more people there for a buffer but that isn't the point. The point is Sebastian doesn't know how he can be in such close proximity with Blaine Anderson for a whole weekend without confessing how much he misses him. And if booze is involved? That's going to make his lips looser and he won't think before he speaks because drunk words, sober thoughts and all that jazz.

"But it'll be so fun!" Sonny says excitedly.

Sebastian pinches the bridge of his nose, between his eyes, and lets out a long, dramatic sigh. Why can he never say no to his brother? "Fine, yes, okay."

Sonny cheers down the phone and Sebastian hangs up without word.

**[Sebastian]** I'm in

**[Sonny Smythe]** love you

Sebastian then promptly mutes the group chat and ignores it for the rest of the night. Sonny texts him separately to say they're leaving tomorrow at 12pm and Santana will pick him up. Sebastian is thankful he gets to drive down with Santana and Brittany so he isn't stuck in a car for god knows how long with Blaine. That only means he has to pack and his chilled out night suddenly vanishes but at least he's going to have a pretty nice weekend, he hopes so anyway, and hey if it is awful, the alcohol will be there to help ease the pain and that just sounds like a damn treat.

He half expects to receive a text from Blaine about the weekend but when it never comes it's safe to say he's a little disappointed. 

― 

The first thing everyone does is argue over which room they're all going to be in. There's four rooms; Santana and Brittany are obviously sharing a room and Sonny said he wanted to room with Sam. Sebastian doesn't miss the way Blaine pouts a little at that. He knows Blaine doesn't like being in a room alone when he doesn't know the place.

And because he hates himself...

"I can room with you, if you want," Sebastian is saying but he doesn't know why. He also doesn't miss how every single pair of eyes are suddenly on him. Yeah, he gets it, we're all surprised. The words hadn't meant to come out. He feels like someone else said them.

"Or not," he adds when the silence becomes deafening to his own ears.

And still nobody says anything and he feels like an absolute idiot. He clears his throat and looks around, avoiding everyone still staring at him - he hates them all. "I'm just going to -" he trails off as he picks up his bag and makes his way to the bedrooms. He mentally scolds himself for opening his damn mouth. Can he redo this day? Press rewind, let's start again.

He picks the bedroom the furthest away, doesn't care if anyone else was wanting it, they no longer get first pick for being absolute morons and staring at him like he was a damn performing monkey that just messed up. Which he had but that so wasn't the point. He definitely takes longer than needed to unpack but he can't really face anyone right now. Maybe he'll get drunk alone first and get some Dutch courage so he can face his ex boyfriend.

He texts Hunter saying 'kill me?' but he doesn't receive a response and it's been ten minutes now where he's just been sat on the bed nothing doing. Plus he's already been in here a good twenty minutes. It had taken him all of five minutes to unpack. He's going to have to face them, isn't he? He hates his life.

He's coming out of his room, anxiously messing with his phone and of course Blaine is walking towards him because the world hates him today. He should have stuck to his guns and said no to Sonny. He needs to learn the word no. That's what he's doing to do when he gets back from this trip, he's going to say no to everything Sonny asks. It's decided. No longer will he be put in awkward situations because he wants to make up for lost time.

He, of course, knows that is never going to happen but he's going to pretend for a little while that it will.

"Hey," Blaine greets with a polite smile.

"Sorry about that, back there," he says gesturing with his hand towards the kitchen area where the dreaded silence had happened. "I don't know what happen, word vomit, maybe. I just know you don't like rooming alone in new places. Or, actually, you might be okay with it now," he adds as he narrows his eyes and he's mostly talking to himself with the last sentence.

"It's okay," Blaine assures, his voice soft. It makes Sebastian feel a little lighter.

"Cool," he replies. Not cool, couldn't have thought of anything better to say?

Blaine lets out a quiet laugh. "I'm sorry I didn't say anything, it kind of caught me off guard."

"You and me both, Anderson," he replies.

"It would be weird, though, right?"

Blaine isn't wrong. It was a terrible idea. Absolutely awful. Sebastian has never come up with an idea as bad. 

"Yeah, no, totally. I regretted it as soon as I said it," Sebastian says, still avoiding looking directly at Blaine.

"We're okay, then?" Blaine asks.

"Yeah, we're okay," Sebastian assures him. They smile at each other, and it's a little less awkward. "I need a drink, come on," he says before he slides past Blaine and makes his way to the kitchen, Blaine follows behind.

Everyone is gathered around the table, Sonny already has a drink ready for Sebastian and suddenly Sebastian loves him again.

He's fickle, what can he say?

The drinks flow, nobody mentions Sebastian's word vomit, and they all decide to not get too drunk tonight because they want a full on cliche college party tomorrow and to nobody's surprise that was Sonny's idea; you know, the college student. It seems Sebastian isn't the only person who can’t say no to Sonny. 

They spend most of Friday night in the hot tub and while everyone does agree to not get too drunk, Sebastian can't help himself. It's his unhealthy coping mechanism, okay? Stop judging him. He gets louder, more talkative, it loosens him up and he feels better for it. He feels like he can actually relax. Nobody tries to stop him but he thinks that's mostly because drunk Sebastian doesn't shut the fuck up and tells stupid stories that makes everyone laugh.

He's in the middle of telling them a story about his cousin, which none of them are believing, expect obviously Sonny who knew that everything he was saying was true.

"Honestly! He was dating this woman but was living a complete lie - he lied about his kids, he has four! He was still married by the way! To one of the baby mamas and would lie about going to rehab to his wife - he had a drinking problem - but really he'd be on holiday with his girlfriend! Neither of them knew about the other," Sebastian is explaining loudly, words only a little slurred.

"Men are trash," Brittany says.

"Amen to that," Santana says as she clinks her glass against Brittany’s.

"You're not wrong," Sebastian agrees with a laugh. "Myself included, of course. Expect Sonny, Sonny gets a pass," he says with a grin.

Sonny shakes his head, blushing. He blushes easily, Sebastian thinks, he's noticed that about him. The boy cannot take a compliment which is the complete opposite of Sebastian who loves to be complimented. If he isn't the center of attention then what's the point?

The conversation flows; Blaine, Sam, Santana and Brittany are mostly telling Sonny about their time in high school together, about Glee club, the New Directions and all their glory. Sebastian can't help but throw in a "the Warblers were better" and Blaine smiles, mouthing that he agrees so that the others don't hear and Sebastian feels a little big smug about that. He had loved being part of the Warblers, even if he didn't really keep in touch with anyone anymore, it had been nice. He sometimes really missed performing even though he knew it wouldn't be anything he would ever pursue the way Blaine does.

The night ends with Sebastian getting way more drunk than he intended to and he flops down on the unfamiliar bed with a groan; the room's spinning but he falls asleep within minutes, dreaming about better times.

― 

Waking up is painful, the room is too bright and his head is pounding. He needs to be reminded every time he's hungover why he gets as drunk as he does - because it's fun, that's why. Not so fun today, though. He groans as he sits up, hating the way his head feels heavier somehow but some absolute dream has left him a glass of water and some tablets on his bedside table. He takes the tablets and downs the glass of water without a seconds thought. He seriously cannot wait for them to kick in to ease the headache.He drags himself out of bed when he sees it's past twelve. The cabin is quiet and he soon realises that nobody is here. He has no idea where they are, not that it matters, he's sure they'll be back soon. He decides to take advantage of the empty cabin. He puts his music on loud as he showers and gets ready for the day. He spends a while in the shower, letting the hot water wash over his body. The warmth hits just right and he feels his head start to ease up slightly. He washes away the sweat and the alcohol grime on his body. His hair always feels gross the day after drinking so once he himself, and his hair, are clean, he hops out of the shower feeling much better.

Once he changes into a pair of sweatpants and a thin sweater, he makes his way into the kitchen, music still playing. He wants a drink and he will not be shamed for it, they came here to have a good time, right? He makes himself a cocktail because he can and it's almost one in the afternoon it's allowed. Once he'd made his own cocktail, he makes a jug of Tequila Sunrise and a jug of Margarita. While he's making the jug of Margarita, he hears the group pile into the cabin. 

"You're drinking already?" he hears Sonny ask over the music. He turns it down and turns to face them with a grin. "How?!"

"Hair if the dog," he responds with a grin. Blaine smiles, rolling his eyes fondly, as the four of them bring in the shopping bags. 

"What do we have here?" Sebastian asks but turns back to his task at hand.

"We needed supplies for tonight," Santana explains. "Sonny, here, wanted to go all out," she adds as she wraps an arm around his shoulders. "So we have red solo cups, Sam has already been told he isn't allowed to sing that dreadful song."

"Hey, it's a good song!" Sam defends, pouting.

"Said no-one, ever," Santana retorts. "We have beer pong, a deck of cards, a card drinking game, but I'm not sure what that is. We also have snacks and we bought more alcohol because my god, Smythe, you sure did drink a lot last night."

"It's a talent," Sebastian says as he turns to grin at Santana. "There's a jug of Tequila Sunrise in the fridge, and I just finished making a jug of Margarita," he says as he walks to put the second jug in the fridge.

"Knew we invited you for a reason," Sam says.

"You mean it wasn't for my good looks and dashing personality?" Sebastian asks as he takes a sip of his drink.

Sam shakes his head. "Nope, definitely for your cocktail making skills."

Sebastian laughs. "Asshole," he quips to which Sam just grins.

Sonny, Sam and Blaine start to unpack everything, Santana and Brittany argue they don't need to help because they're in love and want some alone time in the hot tub and nobody argues. Sebastian argues that he doesn't have to help because he made cocktails which doesn't sit as well as Santana and Brittany's excuse but he still gets out of it by just arguing his point until the three of them have already managed to put everything away and Sebastian is onto his second drink. He is definitely winning at this cabin weekend.

He does, however, end up making everyone a drink and he even delivers Santana and Brittany's to them in the hot tub. "It's like you’re a bartender or something," Santana comments as she takes the drink.

Sam and Sonny are lounging on the deck chairs outside as well so he takes the drinks to them. Blaine has stayed inside, he hasn't helped Sebastian or even stayed in the kitchen with him, but he could be outside with Sam and Sonny and he wasn't. 

Sebastian sits on the couch next to Blaine, handing him his drink.

"Thanks," Blaine says with a smile.

"You okay?" Sebastian asks.

"I am," Blaine responds. "I just don't want to interrupt Britt and Santana, and honestly I sometimes feel like a third wheel around Sam and Sonny."

Sebastian narrows his eyes. "They're not -"

Blaine shakes his head. "No, they're not but that's only because they're both idiots. They flirt so much, it's exhausting to be around. Sam swears it's all friendly and above board, but I just think he's in denial."

"Huh," Sebastian says, looking out to where he can see Sonny and Sam. "I never even noticed."

"They flirt less in front of you which is why I know I'm right and they're both idiots," Blaine replies. He isn't upset about it, he sounds rather fond, like he wants them to be together which doesn't surprise Sebastian. Blaine was always a sucker for people in love. Sebastian sometimes thinks he's in love with the idea of being more than actually being in love.

"I take it Sonny came out to you two then?" Sebastian asks.

"He did. He cried," Blaine says with a fond laugh. "He isn’t out to anyone but us, is he?" Blaine asks.

Sebastian shakes his head. "No, he came out to me after about six months of him being in New York, he also cried then, but he hasn't told anyone else."

"What about your dad?"

Sebastian stiffens. "What about him?"

"Well, you came out to him..." Blaine says as if he’s making sense.

"I did." He confirms because he's not sure what Blaine is getting at and he honestly doesn't want to speak about his father. He was having a good time. And it was less Sebastian coming out and more Sebastian being outed but he hasn't told anyone that story.

If he tells Blaine that his dad hates him being gay, he might tell Sonny and Sebastian doesn't want that. If it comes to Sonny wanting to come out to their father, Sebastian will tell him because he doesn't want Sonny to have to go through what Sebastian did but for right now it doesn't need to be discussed.

"Okay." Blaine says. He looks and sounds confused and Sebastian doesn't blame him. He realises then that maybe he hadn't been as open and honest with Blaine during their relationship as he thought. Sure he did open up about some things but never about his family. Hell, Sonny didn't even know the ins and outs of the awful duo that was Sebastian and Alistair Smythe. He just knew that they didn't really get on and wasn’t that was the understatement of the century.

He just honestly had no idea how to tell people his own father hated him. Even after all these years it was still hard to stomach.

"Oh, I forgot to tell you," Blaine says after the silence has stretched on for a little while. It hasn't been uncomfortable or awkward, Sebastian has just been lost in his own thoughts. "I'm actually auditioning for a role in Bare."

Sebastian's eyes widen as he looks at Blaine, a grin forming on his lips. "That's awesome, Blaine. But if you're not auditioning for Peter I don't want to hear it."

Blaine laughs softly. "Don't worry, I'm auditioning for him. Your dream of seeing me perform Role of a Lifetime might actually come true," he teases. 

It throws Sebastian for a second, Blaine remembers and he's actually going to audition for a role Sebastian knows he'll be amazing at. He knows it doesn't have anything to do with Sebastian but it still warms his heart. 

"I better have a ticket to opening night," he warns. 

Blaine nods his head, grinning like an idiot. "Front and centre," he promises.

Brittany and Santana come in then, shortly followed by Sam and Sonny. They all announce they're going to get ready because they want to get their drink on and be on the same level as Sebastian. He tells them they need to catch up, then, and that they all have to be as drunk as he was last night because it's more fun that way. Blaine also decides then to get ready and leaves Sebastian with a small smile. 

He groans and drops his head back against the couch. Imagine still having feelings for Blaine after all this time. What a joke his life is. Part of him wants to say screw it all and tell him, ask him to give them another chance but he's never been very good at handling rejection and they are getting on better now; he doesn't want to ruin that. He can't decide which is worse, not having Blaine in his life at all or having Blaine in his life as just a friend. Either way he thinks he loses and whoever gets to have Blaine wins. Kurt wins. 

It dawns on him, then, though, that Kurt has never been mentioned. Not once. Are they even still together?

He can't think about that right now, though, because he's four drinks deep so his thoughts are going to be wild. Worse yet, he'd probably bring Kurt up just to find out but he doesn't want to make anything awkward so he pulls himself out of his thoughts and makes himself another drink before he goes to his room for the weekend to get changed. 

― 

"Let's play Never Have I Ever," Sonny declares and Sebastian groans in response.

"We're _adults_ ," Sebastian argues. Adults who just played two rounds of beer pong and almost played strip poker, whatever. Sonny and Sebastian argued no to strip poker because that would be weird and they're okay not seeing each other naked. 

"You watch Spongebob Squarepants on the daily," Sonny shoots back and everyone laughs, Sebastian included.

"It's a masterpiece, your argument is invalid."

Despite his protesting, everyone else seems to be on board. You can't win them all, apparently. He thinks it's a stupid game, though. The aim of drinking games is to get drunk so why do people always say things about sex. Never have I ever brushed my teeth or showered, things like that, are going to get you drunk. Everyone's done those things. Sebastian likes to play by his own rules and will only be saying mundane things everyone has done. He also knows you're supposed to say something you've never done but again he plays by his own rules.

Blaine is first and his is: "Never have I ever slept with a girl." 

"Gross," Sebastian says with a smirk as Sam, Sonny, Santana and Brittany all drink.

"Gold star gays," Blaine says with a grin as he clinks his glass against Sebastian's. 

"Remember when you kissed Rachel," Brittany says and she's laughing as if it's the funniest thing in the world.

Blaine is pouting which just makes Brittany laugh harder. "We all make mistakes. I was drunk!" He protests. It's adorable, Sebastian thinks.

"I think you might be a silver star gay," Sebastian says with a smirk. "I, however, definitely am a gold star gay."

"You've never even kissed a girl?" Sam asks.

Sebastian scrunches up his face and shakes his head. "No. I was an early bloomer. I came out at, like, the age of fifteen." He fails to mention he was outed at the age of fifteen but that isn't really the point. 

"He really is a gold star gay," Sam says, laughing. 

"Never have I ever kissed anyone in this room," Sonny says loudly and looks directly at Sebastian. Which, rude, he is not the only one and Sonny is an asshole for that. It's not like anyone here isn't aware of Sebastian and Blaine's relationship, it's just that it's never talked about. Like, ever. Blaine and Sebastian themselves have only ever had one actual conversation about it. It's like an unwritten rule, to not speak about the relationship that was.

Sebastian doesn't give Sonny the satisfaction of commenting on it. He takes a drink of his cocktail, looking directly at his brother as he does so. He mostly does that so he doesn't catch Blaine's eye. He then grins at him smugly. Sonny laughs as the other four drink and Sebastian is reminded that the New Directions really did like to swap around their kissing partners back in high school. Not that Sebastian is judging, he had someone new nearly every week all through high school and most of college. 

The game goes on easily, Sam and Blaine mostly say things to get the other to drink, as do Santana and Brittany. It's amusing, in all honesty, Sebastian definitely learns more about these people than he cares to know but he thinks with his drunken state of mind he may not remember everything in the morning, anyway, and that is just a blessing, isn't it?

Once they have all had enough of the game, and are definitely a lot more drunk, Sebastian decides to turn the music up and they dance and sing at the top of their lungs. They continue to drink and just be with each other, laughing and acting like idiots. Sam, of course, does many, _many_ impressions that Sonny finds absolutely hilarious. Blaine and Sebastian even do a duet together, it's clumsy and silly and they laugh more through it than they actually sing but Sebastian loves every second of it. 

The night starts to wind down around 1am and Sam and Sonny are the first to go off to bed, followed by Santana and Brittany but with the way they've been grinding on each other Sebastian is 100% sure that sleep isn't what is going to happen when they get to their room. Sebastian's not really sure if the four of them wandering off together all weekend and leaving Blaine and Sebastian alone is something intentional or if he's just making something out of nothing because he _wants_ that to be a thing.

Their alone time doesn't actually become a thing because Blaine has to rush to the toilet to be sick and Sebastian can't help but laugh at that. He does get Blaine a glass of water, he may be drunk but he still knows how to handle someone being sick. He rubs Blaine's back as he throws up the contents of his stomach, he even gets a little bit embarrassed but Sebastian doesn't understand why. He's definitely seen Blaine be sick before and not just from too much alcohol. He comforts him as well as he can in his drunken state. He does manage to get Blaine into bed, helping him remove his jeans so he can be more comfortable.

Blaine drinks the water and thanks Sebastian quietly. He's laying in bed, under the covers, his eyes shut and he looks peaceful. Sebastian smiles to himself as he watches him for a few moments.

"Night, Blaine," he says as he begins to leave Blaine's room.

"Stay."

Sebastian has to be hearing things. He has to be. He's stopped dead in his tracks and his chest feels tighter. He turns to look back at Blaine and his eyes are still closed, he hasn't moved an inch. Had Sebastian really been hearing things? Heard what he _wanted_ Blaine to say. 

"What?" he asks, his mouth is suddenly dry and the word comes out broken.

"Stay," Blaine repeats. He still hasn't opened his eyes. Sebastian looks from Blaine to the door. He should leave. They're both drunk. 

_He should leave._

He doesn’t.

He shuts the door and removes his own jeans before he climbs over Blaine and gets into the bed next to him. He gets under the covers and shifts closer to Blaine, feeling brave because Blaine had been the one to ask him to stay. 

"Thank you," Blaine whispers. He finally moves and it’s only to shift closer to Sebastian.

He rests his cheek on Sebastian's shoulder, drapes an arm over his stomach and cuddles in close. Sebastian swallows thickly, his heart pounding in his chest and he hopes Blaine can't feel it and if he can, he hopes he thinks it's just his head, fuzzy with alcohol. He can't help but wrap his arm around Blaine's body, pulling him closer. It feels like a dream, their bodies are touching for the first time in years and Sebastian feels right. He feels like this is where he belongs.

And that's how they fall asleep, tangled up in each other, not a care in the world.


	6. fall on me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there's some trigger warnings for this chapter - violence, abuse and homophobia.

Sebastian hadn't expected to wake up alone the next morning but he does. He's alone. Blaine is probably showering, or avoiding him. He hopes he's just showering. He groans as he sits up, rubbing his eyes. It's too bright and he needs to shower himself. He doesn't even notice that Blaine's things are gone when he grabs his jeans and makes his way into the bathroom so he can get a quick shower. He wonders if anyone else is as hungover as him, he hopes they are. He feels sorry for Santana and Blaine who will have to drive in a hungover state. He hopes they don't set off until later so they can go for food first. 

He's getting changed when he hears a knock at the door. It's Sonny.

"Hey," Sebastian greets with a grin as he pulls his shirt over his head. "I was just about to pack."

"Yeah, we've all packed. Santana made breakfast," Sonny says with a small smile. He seems a little off, though, like he wants to say something. Sebastian just narrows his eyes at him.

"Uh, Blaine had to leave." Sonny says.

Sebastian feels a pit in his stomach, and suddenly he feels sick for a different reason. Was it because of what happened last night? They didn't really do anything. They just fell asleep together. Totally innocent. And Blaine had been the one to ask Sebastian to stay. Was it just the drink talking? Did Blaine regret it? He should have walked out, shouldn't he? He shouldn't have stayed. He's an idiot.

Sonns is talking and Sebastian hasn't heard a word.

"Sorry - what? Sorry, I wasn't listening," he admits.

"He had to go back to Ohio, for Kurt. His dad, Burt? Yeah, Sam said Burt, had a heart attack and Kurt called Blaine early this morning to tell him."

Kurt. Of course. And fuck. Is he really mad at Blaine? No. He can't be. Kurt's dad had a damn heart attack of course Blaine has to be there for him. Blaine would drop anything for the people he loved. And he loved Kurt.

"Seb, he had to go -"

"Of course he did. What? I didn't say anything," Sebastian says. Smooth, real smooth.

Sonny just smiles sadly before leaving Sebastian to his packing.

He isn't annoyed, he can't be. He's a little disappointed Blaine just got up and left without saying anything but that was his way of doing things, wasn't it? It's how he left Sebastian in the first place so why is Sebastian surprised now? This isn't isn't even nearly as serious as just walking out on a relationship with a note. He groans and flops back on the bed, fishing his phone out of his pocket. There's a text from Blaine. He shoots up right as he opens it.

 **[Blaine Anderson]** I'm sorry I left without saying bye. It was an emergency. I'll text you later.

Of course Blaine wouldn't tell Sebastian why he had to leave, just that it was an emergency? But then again Blaine didn't owe him an explanation, did he? So what if they had fallen asleep together? 

The next few days that followed, Blaine did text Sebastian. Not with any sort of explanation, and the messages weren't as requent as they usually are but that made sense, didn't it? He was with Kurt so of course he wasn't going to spend all of his time texting Sebastian. Sebastian was surprised he was even getting any messages. He never replied, though, because of course he didn't. He rarely did but somehow it felt a little bit different this time. He wasn't reply because he was hurt whereas before he wasn't replying just because. Blaine even asked to meet up once, he must have been back from Ohio, but Sebastian ignored it. He couldn't. What was Blaine going to do? Apologise, again, say it was just a mistake, finally confirm him and Kurt were in fact still together and Blaine just got caught up in the morning, that booze had clouded his judgement? Sebastian didn't want to hear it.

The texts stopped coming then and Sebastian understood why but it didn't mean he didn't miss the random ramblings of Blaine Anderson. It was probably better this way anyway. He was back to square one, though, missing Blaine.

― 

The dreaded day had arrived and Sebastian wanted nothing more than to be anywhere else. Alistair Smythe was going to be in New York in just a few hours which means Sebastian is going to have to see him, and soon. He hasn’t seen his father in years and he has no idea how this is going to go. The last time he had seen his father was when he flew back to Paris, hoping he would have been able to see Sonny for his 16th birthday. It was stupid, really, he left to move to Ohio when Sonny was only 10 so he knew Sonny probably hadn’t thought about him, it probably didn’t affect him the same way it did Sebastian, that he wasn’t allowed to see his brother.

Speaking to his father, well that was a more recent thing, it was when Sonny moved to New York for college. His father had rung him to make sure he looked after his brother but to not put any of his beliefs onto him, i.e. his “life style”. It had sent shivers down his spine, like it always did when his father was so homophobic towards him. His father had basically banished Sebastian to Ohio, to get him away from Sonny, he said he didn’t want Sonny turning out like him. 

Sonny is excited to see their father, is even picking him up from the airport. Sebastian doesn’t really understand how anyone could be excited to see Alistair Smythe but then again, they both new a different man, didn’t they? Sonny knew the man that loved his son and Sebastian knew the man that hated his son. They weren’t the same.

When Sonny had come back into his life, three years ago, Sebastian knew that would mean at some point he would have to see their father again and honestly three years is a long time, he should be thankful it hasn’t happened sooner. Sonny has gone back to Paris a few times to see family, feeling homesick, but Sebastian would never go back with him. He couldn’t.

He pulls himself out of his thoughts, he’s working tonight so at least he’ll have that to distract him, and makes his way to his bar. He’s working with Chad tonight, another blessing, because he keeps him entertained. And he has another date tomorrow night, which he will not be discussing with anyone it’s just to shut Hunter up, so he has distractions and reasons not to see Alistair straight away. Sunday, however, is family day, isn’t he lucky?

When Chad turns up, Sebastian grins at him.

“What?” he asks, suspicious.

“I need you to work tomorrow night,” Sebastian replies.

“I hate you.”

“No, you don’t. Can you do it?”

Chad sighs but agrees, “you owe me.”

“Just add it to the list, gorgeous,” Sebastian teases.

“I don’t know how many times I have to tell you, complimenting me isn’t going to make me like dick,” Chad says with a laugh.

“Trust me, I know, with a name like Chad you were destined to be an obnoxious straight guy.”

Chad just shakes his head, still laughing, but doesn’t comment. Sebastian hopes this easy back and forth will be enough to keep him preoccupied. Plus, it’s a Friday night, it’s bound to be busy, he’s just kind of sad Sonny won’t be sat at the end of the bar tonight, he’s kind of gotten used to it. He shoots Sonny a quick, ‘have fun’ text just to try and be a supportive brother before he turns his phone off.

Tonight is a phone free night.

The next night, however, is a phone on all night kind of night just in case he needs a quick get away from his date. It’s his first date with Greyson after the weekend trip with Blaine. He doesn’t really know why he’s doing it, maybe because Greyson asked, maybe because Blaine flew back to Ohio for Kurt. 

“So, you needed me to cover so you could get laid?” Chad asks.

“Mhm,” Sebastian confirms with a smirk.

He told his date to meet him here, he hadn’t told him it’s his bar, never really leads with that, but he wanted something casual tonight and he wanted to get drunk. He knows being hungover will make tomorrow worse but maybe he’ll look sick enough he can get out of it. Nobody needs to know it’s a hangover.

“You’re the worst boss in the world.”

Sebastian laughs and looks up from his phone, placing it on the bar. “I’m the best boss you’re ever going to have, Chaddy.”

“Don’t call me that,” Chad replies as he glares at him.

“What do you want me to call you?” Sebastian asks.

“You’re insufferable.”

Sebastian just laughs and picks his phone back up. His date should be here by now and one of his biggest pet peeves is when people are late but before he can start complaining to Chad, his date does turn up. Still gorgeous, Sebastian thinks, as he looks him up and down.

“Sorry I’m late, my roommate locked himself out of our apartment while I was on my way here, so I had to go back and let the idiot in,” he explains.

“Na, it’s fine, I had Chad here to keep me company,” he says with a grin.

Greyson leans over and kisses Sebastian lightly on the lips. It’s nice, Greyson's nice, but it doesn’t really do anything for Sebastian. 

“Well, what do we have here?”

Sebastian stiffens, his blood running cold. He pulls back from Greyson like he’s been shocked. He wishes he had; wishes he’d been knocked out cold just so he wouldn’t have to deal with the man in front of them. His voice, as cold as ever, his eyes dark, like they always are when he looks at Sebastian. There’s no love there, there never has been.

“What are you doing here?” he asks, surprised he even managed to get his words out.

“I heard this is the place to be,” he responses.

To anyone else, it sounds like a compliment, but Sebastian knows he’s being judged, for owning a bar, for not becoming a lawyer like he was supposed to.

“Where’s Sonny?” Sebastian finds himself asking.

“Not here.”

Helpful, as always, Sebastian thinks.

“Hi,” Greyson says, directing his words to Alistair. Sebastian’s eyes widen. God, please no.

“I’m Greyson, nice to meet you,” he says and extends his hand. Can he not read the damn room, this isn’t a meet and greet with a nice stranger.

Alistair just looks at his hand and sneers in response. Greyson drops his hand, looks confused, he narrows his eyes at Sebastian.

“Do you... can we reschedule?” Sebastian asks, putting his attention on his date rather than his father. “Sorry, I know you’re already here -”

“Don’t stop your little date on my account,” Alistair sneers.

Sebastian doesn’t look at him. “Please?” he directs to Greyson. He hates how small his sounds, hates that even after all these years it’s his father’s influence that does this to him.

“Okay...” Greyson agrees easily and leans into kiss Sebastian, again.

_Really?_

He clears his throat and pulls back. “I’ll text you,”’ he says but he knows he probably won’t because if he does, he’ll have to explain this to him and he honestly doesn’t want to. He doesn’t owe him anything anyway. They’ve been on a few dates, so what? It doesn’t mean anything; he doesn’t need to explain himself to anyone.

“You really haven’t changed, have you?” Alistair asks as soon as Greyson is out of ear shot. 

“I didn’t know you were coming here,” Sebastian replies. It’s an explanation, they both know if he did know there wouldn’t be another guy here, kissing him.

“Are you not going to get me a drink?”

Sebastian nods his head, ignores the way Chad is looking at him, at least he’s at a safe distance, and probably can’t hear the conversation which Sebastian will forever be thankful for. He gets them both a beer, passes one to Alistair and takes the biggest drink of his own. He hadn’t really planned for this moment but he at least thought he’d have Sonny as a buffer.

“That kind of stuff is exactly the reason I didn’t want Sonny around you and when you were children, I could control it. Unfortunately, he’s an adult and can make his own decisions to be around you, but I thought you would have the sense to not show off your life style in front of him.” He never shouts, never has, his words are always calm, controlled, cold. It’s like he’s indifferent towards the situation but his hatred towards Sebastian definitely isn’t indifference.

“I don’t,” he lies.

Alistair scoffs. “He was the one who told me you’d be here, with your friend. He was excited for you, how is that keeping him away from it?”

Sebastian takes another drink, wishing anyone, Sonny, Blaine, Sam, _anyone_ , would walk in and defuse the situation but he knows they won’t. He isn’t that lucky.

“It won’t happen again,” Sebastian promises.

“You’re damn right it won’t.”

Sebastian knows what comes next, is surprised it hadn’t happened sooner, but when his father’s fist connects with his face, he isn’t surprised.

“Hey,” he hears Chad shout as he stumbles back ever so slightly. 

He puts his beer down and turns to Chad. “It’s okay,” he assures him. “We were leaving anyway,” Sebastian adds and turns to look at his father.

“We were,” Alistair confirms. Sebastian relaxes for a moment, just for the fact Chad won’t have to see what comes next. Maybe if they were here it wouldn’t end so badly but he doesn’t want to risk it. 

Alistair walks down an alley at the side of the bar and Sebastian aimlessly follows. He could run but he doesn’t. He never does. He doesn’t know what comes over him when his father is here, it’s like he can’t do anything other than blindly obey. It’s a side of himself he hates, a side he doesn’t want anyone else to see. 

It happens so quickly, it always does, Alistair is a pro at almost knocking the life out of Sebastian. A few times, when he was younger, he had ended up in the hospital from it, nobody ever questioned it. Sebastian used to get in quite a few fights. He always fought back but not with his father. He physically couldn’t. In his mind he knew he should, silently screams at himself to do something, anything, but he can’t and he never does.

This time is no different, every punch comes with force, with pure hatred. Alistair never says anything, he just hits. He doesn't need words; Sebastian knows what every hit says. It’s ‘your lifestyle is disgusting, you’ll never be anything, you’ll never be good enough.’ Sometimes Sebastian finds himself believing the words, he definitely had when he was younger. Now he’s older he knows, on some level, Alistair is wrong but it still hurts.

Alistair doesn't even say anything as he walks away, leaving Sebastian on the cold, hard ground. It’s embarrassing, he hates how embarrassed he feels right now, he can’t even get up. Every part of his body is aching and he knows there’s been some damage done to his ribs, he knows he’s going to bruise and there’s definitely deep cuts, can feel the blood on his face. His head’s spinning, he groans and tightly shuts his eyes for a few, painful moments.

He eventually pulls himself up into a sitting position. He manages to shift towards the brick wall so he can lean against it. His head is pounding so he leans his head back against the bricks and sighs. He doesn’t think his ribs are broken but they’re definitely bruised. He somehow has to get home, thinks about calling Sonny but decides against it. Chad’s working so he can’t ask him to help. Hunter is on a date of his own and he knows he would drop it to come and get him but he doesn’t want to put him out. Santana is out of town with Britt so they’re not an option.

“Fuck,” he groans to himself.

He pulls his phone out, he can barely open his right eye, so his vision isn’t great and his left eye seems to be a little blurry from the knocks to his head. He manages to send a text to Sam, it just says ‘wyd?’

**[Sam Evans]** is this a booty call

**[Sebastian]** no

**[Sam Evans]** im with sonny, what’s up?

_Fuck._

**[Sebastian]** is blaine there?

**[Sam Evans]** no, I think he’s at home

**[Sebastian]** okay, thanks. have fun

He’s annoyed about the fact he’s going to have to call Blaine to come get him. It’s the last person he wants to see but he doesn’t want Sonny seeing him like this. So, he calls Blaine.

“Hey,” Blaine’s voice comes over the phone.

“Are you busy?” he asks, trying his best to sound normal, keeps as still as possible so he doesn’t move and make a noise.

“Not really, what’s up?”

“I need you to come get me. Please,” Sebastian says.

“Are you okay?” Blaine asks and he suddenly sounds worried. 

“I’m at the bar. Well close to it, can you drive?”

“Yeah, yeah, sure. I’ll be there soon,” he assures.

“Thanks,” he replies before he puts the phone down.

He puts his phone away and, slowly, shifts himself up against the wall so he’s standing. Everything hurts, fuck, he hates his father so fucking much. He has to hold his side as he makes his way to the sidewalk, every step he takes is painful and he doesn’t miss the way people are looking at him. He’d stare too if someone walked past him looking like he does right now.

He leans against another wall as he waits for Blaine, silently praying that Chad doesn’t come out and see him like this. He doesn’t know if Chad caught on that Alistair was his father but either way he really doesn’t want to find out the answer. Not right not, anyway.

The look on Blaine’s face when he finally sees the state Sebastian is in is enough to break anyone’s heart. He looks like he might cry, there’s genuine worry etched over his features.

“I’m fine,” is the first thing Sebastian says.

Blaine’s eyes widen. “You’re not fine! Have you seen the state of you? What happened?” he sounds panicked and Sebastian regrets calling him; he shouldn’t have to see Sebastian like this.

“Luckily, I don’t carry a mirror on me, so no, I have no idea what I look like,” he responds, trying to joke, to make the situation light despite the fact this isn’t a light situation in the slightest.

“Sebastian,” Blaine whispers.

“Just... take me home. I feel like a damn zoo animal with everyone staring at me.”

Blaine does, without another word, the only time they speak is when Sebastian directs him to his apartment. He can tell Blaine wants to say something, though, he keeps glancing at Sebastian with worried looks and Sebastian just wants to tell him to stop. 

“Thanks,” Sebastian says before he climbs out of Blaine’s car, trying his hardest to act like he’s not in pain but they both know he is. 

“What are you doing?” Sebastian asks when he sees Blaine getting out of his car, locking it.

“Coming up with you,” he says as if Sebastian was asking a stupid question. “And don’t argue with me about it. Have you rung Sonny?” he asks as he gently puts his arm around Sebastian to help him into the building and up to his apartment. 

“No and you’re not going to either,” Sebastian warns.

“Sebastian -”

“No,” Sebastian cuts him off. 

He hears Blaine sigh beside him. He will tell Sonny, not about who did it, just that it happened, but not tonight. He can have another worry-free night.

Sebastian lowers himself onto his couch when they’re inside, groaning in pain as he does. He rests his head back and shuts his eyes. He needs to clean himself up but he doesn’t have the energy to do so, not right now, and he’ll hate himself later when he’s trying to get dried blood off of himself but right now, he doesn’t care.

He hears water running and opens his one good eye to see what is happening. Blaine is in his kitchen, filling a bowl up with warm water. “Blaine, you don’t have to stay, I only needed a ride home.”

Blaine says nothing.

“Blaine,” Sebastian says again.

No answer.

He sighs and closes his eye again; he hears Blaine coming over to him before he sees him. Blaine sits on the coffee table across from him, placing the bowl down beside him. “Sit up, please,” he says and Sebastian can’t help but notice how tense he sounds.

He does as he’d told, though, he sits up and opens his eyes again, his good one opening completely and the other still hurting so it’s only half open. “Thanks,” Sebastian mumbles.

They’re both quiet as Blaine begins to clean his face for him. He’s so gentle as he does it. He was always good at taking care of Sebastian, he liked to fuss over him once upon a time. He’s overcome with the feeling of how much he misses him again. 

He quickly squashes that thought. He’s just feeling emotional right now, that’s all, his father just beat him up and Blaine was the best thing in his life for a while so it makes sense that he would be feeling nostalgic right now.

“What happened?” Blaine asks once he’s finished. The once clean water is now tinged red with Sebastian’s blood.

“I was jumped,” Sebastian lies easily. 

Blaine hesitates for a moment. “What happened to your date?” 

Sebastian has a feeling of guilt settle on his chest, like he's done something wrong by going on a date with someone else.

“What?”

“Sonny told me,” Blaine confirms.

“Of course he did. He had to cancel,” he lies again.

Blaine is just looking at Sebastian, searching his face, he looks like he’s going to cry and Sebastian wants him to leave. He wants to be alone but then Blaine takes his hand in his and squeezes it gently.

“Who would do this?” he asks.

“Lots of people,” Sebastian replies. “It happens all the time, Blaine.”

Blaine sighs as he intertwines their fingers together and Sebastian feels his chest tighten.

“I hate that it happened to you.”

Sebastian smiles at him, shrugs his shoulders and instantly regrets it as pain shoots through his sides. “Fuck,” he grits, lets out a strained laugh. “The next few days aren’t going to be fun.”

He feels Blaine squeeze his hand again. “I’m here if you need anything, okay?”

“Thanks, I appreciate it.”

He closes his eyes again, takes in the moment, having Blaine so close. It might be under shitty circumstances but Blaine is here, holding his hands, taking care of him. Sebastian lets himself enjoy it, if only for a moment. 

“You don’t have to stay,” Sebastian says as he opens his eyes, breaking the spell. 

“It’s fine, I should stay. Unless Sonny is coming back tonight?” he asks.

Sebastian shakes his head. “No, not tonight.”

“Well, I’ll stay. I can come back tomorrow, as well, you’ll need a lift to the dinner with your dad.”

He stiffens at the mention of his dad. The last thing he wants to do is go for a family meal with his father but he knows he can’t cancel. He’s too afraid to anyway.

“I can’t ask you to go out of your way, I’ll get a cab.”

Blaine frowns. “I’m coming, though.”

“What?!” Sebastian asks, eyes wide. “Why?”

“Uh, your dad invited me... He wanted to meet Sonny’s friends. Sam is coming as well.”

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

He feels like he’s going to have a panic attack. Blaine can't meet his dad, he can’t. He’s too good, too pure, he doesn’t need to be in the company of a man like that.

“Seb, hey, breathe,” he hears Blaine saying.

No, he is not about to have a panic attack in front of Blaine. He hasn’t had one in years, since the last time Alistair hit him, actually, and that makes him panic even more. He’s not a teenager anymore, not some scared little kid. Fuck. He focuses on the feel of Blaine rubbing his wrist with his thumb, breathes in and out slowly, counts to fifteen in his head. It takes a couple of minutes to calm down but he eventually does.

“I’m fine, sorry,” he manages to say, voice quiet. He’s tried. He wants to be alone.

“No, no, it’s okay. You don’t need to apologise,” Blaine assures him.

Sebastian can tell Blaine wants to ask what just happened but he doesn’t. Blaine always knew when to take a step back but he also knows this isn’t over, Blaine will surely approach the subject another time. He’ll worry until then and Sebastian will feel bad for making him worry.

Blaine stays for a couple more hours. They barely talk but it isn’t awkward or uncomfortable, it’s nice, really, despite the fact Sebastian is bruised and in pain and he just had a panic attack. They watch a movie, Blaine talks a little bit through it, asking random questions now and again but nothing substantial. It’s easy, light, like old times and Sebastian basks in it, in having Blaine there again, even if it is only for a couple of hours because he’s just been beaten up. 

When Blaine leaves, Sebastian crawls into bed, after taking pain killers, and shuts his phone off. He can’t deal with the world, he has to mentally prepare for what is likely going to be the world’s worst family dinner, plus guests. Lucky him.


	7. dinner date.

It is safe to say that Sebastian slept horribly, he woke up during the night more times than he can count. He feels awful, like he got run over by a truck, and he wishes he could just sleep the day away, skip out on dinner and just hide away until his father leaves. He knows that can't happen but a boy can dream, right? He lays in bed, uncomfortable and pissed off, for a few moments when morning hits but then he decides to drag himself out of bed. And it is a drag because every move aches. He takes more pain killers to hopefully dull the pain shooting up his sides.

The worst thing about today isn't even facing Alistair again, it's having to tell Sonny, having to lie to Sonny. Some part of him knows he should tell his brother the truth but how do you tell someone that your own father did this? That Sonny's father did this. It would crush him. It's not lost on him that Sonny doesn't have many people in his life who he trusts but Alistair, unfortunately, is one of those people and Sebastian can't bring himself to be the one to ruin that for him.

He showers before he does anything else and even a simple task like that takes longer than it should. He looks down at his chest and stomach, noting the purples bruises that litter his skin. They look nasty, they're fierce and angry. They're the type if bruises that are going to be on his skin for a while and they'll die down to a yellow colour with time before completely disappearing. The reminder will be gone. His face is also pretty beat up, his right eye is swollen underneath, another angry purple bruise accompanies it, along with another large purple bruise on his cheek bone. There's a cut over his eyebrow, almost at his eyelid, which must be where the blood came from - he's just glad it doesn't need stitches. The rest of his face has little scrapes and cuts covering it, nothing too extreme but you can't miss them. The fact he has to go out in public looking like this isn't something he's happy about but he'd do anything for Sonny.

His morning is spent avoiding everyone, he has yet to turn his phone back on. He wonders if Blaine has actually told Sonny because he was worried, he wouldn't even be able to be mad at Blaine for it. He's pretty sure if the roles were reversed he'd want to give Cooper the heads up.

He sighs as he switches his phone back on, a few notifications coming through to signal the text messages he has received while it's been off and of course he has a couple from Blaine. One of them says 'I'm glad you called' and the second one says 'Ring me if you need anything x' and it makes him smile. Despite their break up and the fact they haven't been friends for five years, Sebastian never really doubted that Blaine cared about it. Okay, maybe he doubted it to be begin with, when Blaine first left, but every time he remembered how Blaine was with him, how open and honest and kind. How he would drop anything to be there for Sebastian, even still - yesterday proved that - he didn't think anyone could deny Blaine did care about him. 

Sam has also text him, and Chad. Sam's messaging is asking if he managed to get hold of Blaine and Chad's message is asking if he's okay. He ignores them both. Sonny has also sent him a text message, just to remind him that the table is booked for six pm and Sam and Blaine are coming. He sighs and calls him. He needs to tell him now, he can't exactly turn up to the dinner bruised and battered without any sort of explanation and he'd rather do it over the phone than in person. 

"How excited are you for tonight?" is what Sonny says by way of greeting. He sounds so excited.

"Super excited," Sebastian replies and he's pretty sure he sounds way too sarcastic. He was trying to be encouraging.

"Are you annoyed Sam and Blaine are coming?"

Yes, he is, but not for the reason Sonny may think. "No, it's fine. Look, I need to tell you something but you've got promise you won't freak out."

"What is it?" Sonny asked, worried.

Sebastian sighs. "Promise you won't freak out."

"Okay, okay, I promise," Sonny replies and Sebastian knows he doesn't mean it, he knows he's just saying it to appease Sebastian so he'll tell him quicker.

"I may have gotten jumped yesterday -"

Sonny cuts him off. "What? What do you mean you got jumped? By who? Where? Are you okay? Why didn't you call me?"

"You promised you wouldn't -"

"I don't care. I'm coming over. What do you need?"

"Sonny, slow down. I'm fine."

"No, you're not. You literally just said you were jumped. That's not fine. That's the opposite."

Sebastian sighs and rubs his forehead. "I don't know who they were, it was near the bar, I'm okay and I didn't call you because you were busy."

"I was only with Sam!"

"I know, I know. I called Blaine, okay? He brought me home, made sure I was okay, so stop worrying."

"I'm your brother, worrying is sort of in the job description, idiot." Sebastian laughs. Sonny sighs. "I'm glad Blaine was there for you, though, that was nice of him."

Sebastian smiles to himself. By the end of last night he was sort of glad he had called Blaine as well but he wasn't about to admit that out loud.

"Yeah, it was. Look, I just wanted to give you the heads up so you weren't thrown off when I turn up tonight, but I promise you I'm fine."

"Okay," Sonny replies but he doesn't sound convinced and Sebastian doesn't blame him.

"What are you doing?" Sebastian asks.

"I'm on my way to meet dad. He wants to take me shopping, buy me some new clothes. I can cancel, though, and come see you."

"No, no, it's okay. Go clothes shopping, it sounds like a lot of fun," he teases. "And I'm seeing you later anyway."

"Okay..."

"Sonny, I'm fine. I'll see you tonight, we'll get drunk, it's gonna be fun."

Sebastian doesn't like people worrying about him, some would say it was a flaw but when you spend most of your life not having someone worrying about you, you get used to it. He didn't need pity about it, it was just a fact of his life. His dad never cared, he didn't get to have Sonny in his life. He never really had anyone to look out for him, maybe that's why he feels so protective over Sonny now. It's said that people who never had anything to care for them, care for others much more deeply. He thinks that describes him perfectly. He may not care about a lot of people but when he does care about them, he cares about them so deeply. Sonny. Blaine. Even Cooper. Hunter. Santana and Brittany were on his list and so was Sam at one point. He probably still is.

"Yeah, okay. Call me if you need me, okay? Pinky promise?"

Sebastian groans. "Your pinky promise game is stupid.

"No, it's not! Now pinky promise you'll call if you need anything."

"Fine, okay. I pinky promise," Sebastian says through gritted teeth but he's smiling.

The call ends after that and Sebastian feels a little bit better for telling Sonny even if he had to lie about it. He hates how easily he lies to people, if he's honest, especially when it's Sonny he has to lie to. He takes a deep breath, he can't feel quickly right now. He's doing it to protect Sonny and he's also doing it to protect himself. Sometimes it's okay to be selfish.

― 

The meal comes around too fast, Sebastian wishes the day would just slow down but before he knows it Blaine is knocking at his apartment door. He feels panicky. He has to see Alistair. Sonny has to see him beaten and bruised. It's going to be the worst family dinner in the history of bad family dinners. He hesitates before he opens the door to let Blaine in.

"Hey," he greets. 

"Hi," Blaine replies with smile. He lifts his hand up and cups Sebastian's left cheek, stroking it gently. Sebastian holds his breath, staring directly at Blaine for a moment before Blaine's eyes widen and he drops his hand "Shit, sorry," he rushes to say, a blush creeping on his cheeks.

Sebastian lets out a quiet laugh, he's not sure if he feels awkward or not but the way Blaine won't look at him because he's embarrassed is kind of adorable. "It's fine," he assures him.

Blaine looks at him then and smiles. "How are you feeling?" he asks as he steps into Sebastian's apartment and shuts the door behind him.

"I'm okay." 

The look Blaine gives him says he doesn't believe Sebastian but he doesn't push the subject. Sebastian _is_ okay, despite the fact he's aching all over. He's not great but he's okay and that's good enough for him. 

"Did you tell Sonny?" Blaine asks after a few moments of silence. Sebastian has been struggling to get his jacket on and is thankful Blaine hasn't asked if he wants any help with it.

He nods. "Yeah, I rang him earlier," he confirms.

That seems to satisfy Blaine and once Sebastian's jacket is firmly on and his phone and keys are in hand, they make their way out of Sebastian's apartment and to Blaine's car. Alistair has booked a table at a fancy restaurant downtown and Sebastian feels a little bit under dressed but he really isn't in the mood to wear something suitable for a fancy restaurant, especially with the bruises on his ribs. Comfort is the way forward forward and it's not like he's in sweats.

His anxiety spikes once Blaine comes to a stop in the car park. The journey here hadn't been too long and it had mostly been quiet, Sebastian wasn't feeling all that talkative so Blaine had just played music so there wasn't any awkward silences. Sebastian never used to feel awkward around Blaine but now sometimes he isn't sure how to act or what to say and he doesn't really want to find out if silence between them will be awkward or uncomfortable.

Sebastian's been staring at the entrance of the restaurant for a few minutes. Alistair is probably already there, waiting, and Sebastian has a sudden urge to fake being ill, to say he feels like his might throw up, which isn't a complete lie. And maybe he isn't as okay as he's pretending to be. But he has to do this, for Sonny. It's for Sonny.

It's Blaine's voice that pulls him out of his head. "Hey," his voice is soft and comforting. 

Sebastian turns to look at him.

"You okay?"

He nods. "Yeah. Let's go," he says with a forced smile. 

As predicted, Alistair is already there accompanied by Sonny and Sam. Alistair is sat at the head of the table, of course, and Sonny and Sam are sat next to each other meaning Blaine and Sebastian are also going to have to sit next to each other. Sebastian is also going to have to sit near Alistair - isn't that great? Sonny looks so happy but the smile instantly drops from his face when he sees Sebastian and it wasn't like he didn't expect it but it still makes guilt twist in his stomach. Sonny is up on his feet, moving closer to Sebastian before he can even blink.

"You didn't tell me it was this bad!" Sonny says and he sounds panicked and worried which just further the guilt settled in his stomach. He should have cancelled.

"I'm fine," he says looking directly at Sonny to make sure his brother believes him. He needs him to believe it.

"Shit, Seb," he says with the saddest look on his face. "Are you sure you're okay to be here?"

Sebastian rolls his eyes. "Of course, it's your birthday."

Sonny narrows his eyes. "It's my birthday on Wednesday but okay."

"It's fine. I want to be here," Sebastian says with a small smile. He doesn't want to be here; he really, really doesn't but he can fake it for a few hours.

Sonny seems to accept that and the three of them take their seats. Sebastian has to face Alistair now so he puts on his fakest smile and prepares to be as normal as possible while sat next to the man who beat him up yesterday for being on a date with a boy. Easy, right?

"Hi, Sebastian," his father greets him, monotone as ever. "I thought you grew out of your fighting phase," he adds, eyeing Sebastian.

Sebastian narrows his eyes but quickly composes himself, he'd really rather not piss his dad off right now. The audacity this man has, though, Sebastian will never fail to be amazed by it. The man could commit murder and probably get away with it. "I grew out of that a long time ago," he replies.

"What happened then?" his dad asks.

Sebastian clears his throat, looks to Sonny and then Blaine. Everyone's eyes are on him. "I was jumped," he says, looking back at his dad. He knows Alistair knows Sebastian wouldn't tell anyone what really happened, he never has so why would he start now? He's not sure what his father is getting out of asking him a question he already knows the answer to.

Alistair doesn't answer. He picks up his menu.

"I can't believe someone would do this," Sonny says. It makes Sebastian laugh. 

"Why are you laughing?" Sonny asks.

"Blaine said the same thing, and I just find it amusing how you both don't see how shitty the world really is." He doesn't mean to be snipping, he hadn't meant for it to come out as harsh as it does and he sighs when he sees the look on both Sonny and Blaine's faces. They really are too optimistic for their own good.

"Sebastian is there any need to speak to your brother like that?" Alistair asks. Sebastian stiffens.

"It's fine, dad," Sonny says.

"It's not," Alistair remarks. "There's nothing wrong with seeing the good in people. Apologise, Sebastian."

He feels like he's a child again, his father telling him off for something so small. He clenches his jaw. It's Sonny's birthday week, he reminds himself. He can't be the one to ruin this.

"Sorry," he says after a moment. "Ignore me. I know you're just worried." He smiles at Sonny and Sonny smiles back.

Alistair seems pleased by Sebastian's apology. He notices how awkward Sam and Blaine look and he can't blame them. The conversation is changed to how Sonny's college work is going; he and Alistair discuss what he can do after graduation. He's always been proud of everything Sonny, his straight son, has accomplished in life. It's funny, really, seeing a side of Alistair Sebastian might have seen had the man not known about his sexuality because that's exactly what it boils down to, the fact he likes men. He could be a world class doctor, the best lawyer in New York City, and it still wouldn't make Alistair like him or be proud of him. He had to accept that a long time ago.

Alistair orders a bottle of wine for the table; Sebastian sticks to water. By the time their food comes, the topic of how amazing Sonny is is coming to an end. Sebastian isn't even bitter, though, he thinks his brother is pretty awesome, too, so he can't really blame the other three men for gushing over him. He managed to capture Sam and Blaine's hearts pretty quickly, just like he had Sebastian's. 

Sonny excuses himself from the table to go to the bathroom.

"So, do you both know Sebastian through Sonny?" Alistair asks and for some reason the question makes Sebastian panic.

Before Sam or Blaine can answer, Sebastian does it for them.

"Yeah, they do," Sebastian lies. Blaine and Sam both look at him confused.

He thinks if Alistair knows they're actually Sebastian's friends, or were, that Sonny knows the two of them through Sebastian, Alistair will instantly know neither of them are straight and he can't risk it. He hopes it doesn't come to light; he can't have Alistair knowing. He can't even begin to imagine how Alistair would react if he knew the three people closest to Sonny aren't straight. He might have a heart attack. Or blame Sebastian like he always does.

Alistair just glances at Sebastian and then turns his attention back to Sam and Blaine. "Did you meet through college?"

Blaine glances at Sebastian and Sebastian's eyes widen for a moment as he bites the inside of his cheek. "Uh, no. Me and Sam are both graduates. We met Sonny at Sebastian's bar, actually." It's the truth, Sebastian thinks, so it can't be unpicked as a lie which is good. 

Before any more questions can be asked and any more lies can be told, Sonny reappears with a big grin on his face. 

"What did I miss?" he asks as he sits down.

"We were just telling dad how you met Sam and Blaine at the bar," Sebastian says. Sonny smiles fondly at the memory.

The conversation is changed and their food comes shortly after that. Sebastian isn't talkative and only really speaks when spoken to. It's easier that way, plus when he's around Alistair that's how he's always been. He used to have to live in an environment where he could only speak when directly spoken to. It was never pleasant but it's the way Alistair had wanted it, until Sebastian left Paris. He hates how being around his father turns him into that kid he once was. He really wants this dinner to be over. He wants to leave, the longer it goes on the stronger the urge to leave gets. He's well aware of how odd he's acting; he doesn't miss the way Blaine keeps side eyeing him every now and again. Sebastian never looks back at him, though, he keeps his eyes forward.

Not only is it painful to be sat here with everyone because of his father being here but he also forgot to bring painkillers with him and the pain in his sides is getting worse. He thinks that would be the perfect excuse to leave but then he remembers Blaine brought him and he doesn't have a ride home. He can't sit here for much longer, though. He doesn't feel comfortable in his own skin. 

"Sorry, excuse me. I'll be right back," he says to the table before he gets up as quickly as he physically can and makes his way into the bathroom.

He splashes water on his face and dries it before he leans against the sink, eyes closed as he lets out a long sigh. He needs to calm down. He clenches and unclenches his fists. His father is going to be here for another four days and Sebastian hopes he only has to see him one more time, for Sonny's actual birthday, and that'll be it. He won't have to see the man every again if he doesn't want to. Except he will, won't he? For every single one of Sonny's big events in his life and he can't do it.

He's tapping his foot, his eyes are still closed and he's trying to control his breathing. He can feel another panic attack coming on and he silently berates himself. Not now, he thinks. This is the most inconvenient time to have a damn panic attack. He counts to fifteen in his head as he tries to control his breathing.

His chest feels tight. He doesn't even hear anyone come into the bathroom. He doesn't register that there's another person in there with him. He doesn't hear his name being called. Once, twice.

He counts to fifteen.

He barely registers the hand touching his arm, stroking up and down slowly. It's Blaine. He's there. He's trying to get Sebastian to breathe with him.

He counts to fifteen.

It starts to start working. Breathing in and out slowly. He listens to Blaine's voice telling him when to breathe, focuses on Blaine's hands in his, their fingers intertwined. Blaine is squeezing his hands tightly and it helps Sebastian to focus on that rather than the crushing pain in his chest.

When he can finally breathe, again, properly, he feels like an idiot. He wants to run away but he has painful restrictions and again, Blaine is his ride home. He opens his eyes and just looks at Blaine for a few silent moments. Blaine looks so concerned and Sebastian has that guilty feeling in his stomach again.

"Do you need me to take you home?" Blaine asks.

Sebastian quickly shakes his head. "No, I'm fine." If he leaves now, they'll ask why and Sebastian really can't bring himself to lie to his brother again. He doesn't want Alistair to know about this either. The man already thinks he's weak, there's really no need to add to the list of reasons why.

"You're not fine, Sebastian!" Blaine says, loudly, more loudly than he means to if the way his fact twists with guilt after the words leave his mouth. "I'm sorry," he adds, voice softer this time. "I'm sorry but this is the second panic attack I've seen you have in two days. You're not okay."

What is Sebastian supposed to say? The truth? How can he?

"I... I can't," he says, defeated. He won't lie again but that doesn't mean he's about to spill his biggest secret to his ex.

"Okay," Blaine replies. He sounds disappointed but he doesn't push Sebastian to open up. Now really isn't the best time for that and Blaine knows it.

"We should go back," Sebastian says and his words make Blaine step back. They're no longer holding hands and the loss of contact makes Sebastian eager to have it back. 

Nobody questions where they've been but Sonny does raise his eyebrows at Sebastian, a smirk on his face, and he's not quite sure what he he's thinking, or if he even wants to know, but he just smiles back in response. He avoids speaking for the remainder of the dinner, completely avoids even looking in Alistair's general direction and he definitely ignores Blaine looking at him with a concerned expression on his face every five seconds.

All he needs is a damn drink and to not be in these people's company anymore. 


	8. words.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry the wait between the last chapter and this one has been a little longer! but chapter 8 is finally here, and i hope you like it.

“Why are you ignoring Blaine?”

Sonny just walks into Sebastian’s apartment, no greeting, no ‘how are you’, just straight up attacking him. Sebastian looks up at him from where he’s sat on his couch. His laptop is on his coffee table; he’s been trying to get some work done but it’s proving difficult to concentrate at the minute. Ever since Alistair had left to go back to Paris, Sebastian has been avoiding almost everyone. Why Sonny is only choosing to call him out on ignoring Blaine seems pretty ridiculous.

“I’m not,” Sebastian argues. The thing is he’s been lying to them all, he still technically is, and he feels guilty so avoiding them seemed to be a pretty good idea. Sebastian understands it isn’t, though, because he feels guilty for ignoring them on top of lying to them. He’s too stubborn to admit to it, though, and the longer it goes on the harder it gets for Sebastian to pull himself out of the hole he’d dug himself.

Blaine knows the most. The panic attacks, him lying about meeting Blaine and Sam through Sonny and Blaine isn’t stupid. He had asked Sebastian straight up if the way he had been acting was anything to do with his dad. He said no. He wouldn’t even entertain that conversation and Blaine had taken the hint. That didn’t stop Blaine from  messaging him a lot over the past couple of weeks and every message he got was just a reminder he was being completely unreasonable.

“Yes, you are. And you’re also ignoring me but we’ll revisit that at a later date,” Sonny says as he moves to sit on the couch next to Sebastian. He sits cross legged facing his brother. “I don’t understand. He hasn’t done anything wrong.”

Sebastian rolls his eyes. “I’ve been busy, Sonny, I don’t know what else to tell you.”

“The truth,” Sonny shoots back, no hesitation. Sonny isn’t a serious person but right now Sebastian can tell he means business and wants answers.

“I haven’t been ignoring him, we aren’t friends, I don’t owe him anything. I’ve just gone back to how it was before he came back into my life.”

“Bullshit! Seb, I love you but you are the most frustrating person in the world. Stop giving him mixed signals.”

“How the hell have I been giving him mixed signals, Sonny? We barely see each other. He’s your friend, not mine, and I really don’t appreciate you showing up  unannounced to make me feel bad,” Sebastian argues, his voice raising by the end of his  little speech.

“How can you say that? How is he not your friend? He’s been there for you, through all your weird shit lately. He was there for you the night you were attacked! You’re not being fair.”

Sonny probably thinks he’s helping,  despite the fact Sebastian is clearly annoyed at him, he still somehow sounds hopeful. He knows his brother thinks if he calls him  out he’ll make him understand, make him have some sort of realisation on how shitty he’s been and change his ways. 

Sebastian stands up abruptly. He can’t sit here and listen to this right now. He already feels guilty for lying and avoiding everyone, he doesn’t also need to feel guilty for the fact Blaine had quite clearly mentioned Sebastian avoiding him. He wonders if Blaine is upset or annoyed, or if it was just a passing comment.

“Tell me, dear brother of mine, how you can sit here trying to make me feel guilty for not speaking to Blaine when our relationship ended the way it did. How are you even friends with him, after what he did to me?” He asks. He's being unreasonable and he knows he is but when he feels cornered he gets a little too defensive.

Sonny laughs then, the noise filled with  disbelief . “Are you serious?” he asks.

Sebastian nods his head, eyes wide.

“You do realise you’ve never told me how it ended, right? I had  absolutely no idea you had even been in a  relationship never mind how it had happened so don’t stand there acting all high and mighty expecting me to be on your side when I don’t know what your side is.”

Sonny has a point and Sebastian deflates slightly. He sighs and runs a hand through his hair. “But you know Blaine’s side and that should be enough.”

“I don’t know Blaine’s side,” Sonny says with furrowed brows.

“What?” Sebastian asks, confusion etched on his face.

“He won’t tell me,” Sonny continues. “And I have asked but,” he trails off  and shrugs his shoulders. “You’re both pretty tight lipped about the whole situation.”

“ Of course he hasn’t told you,” Sebastian scoffs. Why would Blaine tell his new friend, Sebastian’s brother, how their relationship ended? He probably doesn’t want Sonny to see him in a bad light.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Sonny asks.

“Nothing,” he dismisses. “It doesn’t matter. It’s ancient history.”

“Except it’s not, is it? Because you’re both still so obviously hung  up about it.”

Sebastian doesn’t even want to ask what that means, he doesn’t need to know if Blaine is upset about it still, or if he regrets it, or if he wishes it hadn’t happened. He can’t do this. He doesn’t want to.

He walks into his kitchen to get a drink. If Sonny plans on staying and talking about feelings, or Blaine, he can’t be sober.

“Just  talk to him!” Sonny says as he follows him into the kitchen.

“Why can’t you accept that I don’t want to? I was doing just fine before he turned up again.”

Blaine knows too much now, even if he doesn’t know he’s hit the nail on the end, he knows something is up with Sebastian and Alistair and he can’t have that be common knowledge. If he lets Blaine back into his life, he’ll have to talk about it and he physically can’t.

“He misses you,” Sonny confesses, his voice quiet, like he’s admitting something he shouldn’t be.

Sebastian closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. Him not wanting Blaine back in his life doesn’t mean he doesn’t miss Blaine; that he hasn’t been missing him for five years, that’s not what the issue is.

He turns to face Sonny. “Look, I have spent five years missing Blaine but it isn’t enough. He broke my trust, and I don’t want to get hurt again.” It’s a lot for him to admit it out loud. Not only did Blaine break his trust he also broke his heart and he isn’t someone that lets people get close enough to do that. Blaine was an  exception but he won’t make the same mistake again. 

“What happened?” Sonny asks. 

“You’re not going to let this go, are you?” 

Sonny shakes his head. “Nope. I mean, like... unless you really want me to shut up, I’ll leave it alone. But I am here for you and it might be good to get it out in the open, you know? Have you even talked about it to anyone or have you just kept it bottled up for five years?”

He knows it’s unhealthy how little he talks about his  feelings; he may have matured over the years but he still isn’t very comfortable with his emotions and opening up to people. 

“I don’t know  why I need to air my dirty laundry to people, it was mine and Blaine’s business,” Sebastian argues. 

“And I  completely understand that but confiding in a friend, or your brother, isn’t exactly breaking any rules or announcing your business to the world. It’s normal. It’s what people do.”

Sebastian rolls his eyes, fondly this time, because Sonny always makes so much sense and he both hates him and loves him for it.

“Okay, fine. Fine. He just... he left me, okay?” Sebastian says before looking up at the ceiling. “He went back to Kurt.” 

Sonny tilts his head to the side. “Kurt? Oh,  _ oh _ . His ex?”

“His ex? Don’t you mean his boyfriend?”

“What? He doesn’t have a boyfriend,” Sonny says confusion set in his voice.

“Yeah, he does. He left that weekend we went away to go back to Ohio with Kurt,” Sebastian says sounding just as confused. 

“I remember that. His dad had a heart attack so Blaine went back, you break up with boyfriends not their family,” Sonny says with a shrug of his shoulders. “Wait... have you been thinking this whole time Blaine is still with the guy he left you for?”

Sebastian nods. He isn’t quite sure if the fact Blaine and Kurt aren’t together anything is worse or better. 

No. It’s definitely worse. Blaine left him for someone who he isn’t even with anymore so what was the point? If they didn’t end up together, live happily ever, get married and have babies, it was all for nothing. 

“Okay. Yep, totally get why you’re so weird around him then, that makes sense.  But and I am not trying to, like, tell you being upset isn’t okay but people break up all the time – what was so bad about this one?”

Sebastian wants to laugh. Or cry. He  doesn't know. “It wasn’t a big thing, we didn’t argue or shout at each other, we didn’t break things or say things we couldn’t take back. But we also didn’t make the decision together.”

“Totally lost here, Seb, help a guy out.”

Sebastian doesn’t look at Sonny as he speaks again. “He just one day up and left. And he just left a note.”

There’s silence for a few moments.

“Okay, now I’ve said it out loud it doesn’t seem that bad but it was, Sonny, okay? You’ve got to understand I didn’t see it coming. We were good, we were really good and then I get home from college one day and there’s a note on my side saying something like... I can’t do  it; I need to try with Kurt again, or whatever. I think he’s the one I’m  supposed to be with, something along those lines..” Sebastian is one hundred percent paraphrasing despite the fact he had memorised the note word for word, going over it in his head for months, wondering if there was anything he could have done differently to change the outcome. 

Expect there wasn't because he isn't Kurt.

“My silence wasn’t me saying it wasn’t bad. That is bad. It’s actually really shitty of him, to be honest. I get why you’re still upset about it. You didn’t get any  closure; you got a note and a boy leaving you to get back with his ex.”

Sebastian shrugs his shoulders as if it’s  no big deal. He completely understands people have probably had break ups a thousand times worse that his and sometimes Sebastian thinks he shouldn’t be as upset as he is about it all. Expect he’s allowed to feel how he does and he’s allowed to be upset but he may have held onto it for longer than he needed to.

“Did you try and get in touch with him after it?” Sonny asks.

“Yeah. The asshole blocked me on everything, though, so I couldn’t do much about it. I wasn’t about to chase him, though, he made his choice.” That is the thing Sebastian could  understand , even if he didn’t like it, Blaine left him to be with the person he probably saw as his soulmate, the one, or whatever soppy thing Blaine deserves. Finding out they weren't destined to be means he left Sebastian for no reason.

“Well. He’s single,” Sonny says as his wiggles his eyebrows.

“ Absolutely not. Seen it  before, don’t like how it ends.”

“It might be different this time!”

“Sonny, leave it,” Sebastian pleads.

“Okay. Sorry. But thank you for telling.”

Sebastian shrugs his shoulders. It did honestly feel good to get it out there and he feels like a weight has been lifted. He’d been holding onto it for so long, his own little heart break secret and saying it out loud not only makes him feel better, it’s also made him realise it wasn’t the worst thing that could have happened. He hasn’t been angry with Blaine for a long time but now he feels like maybe he can let it go all  together; he can finally move past what has been haunting him for so long.

―

His leg is bouncing as he checks his watch every five seconds. He doesn’t know why he’s so nervous, this was his idea but even he can admit sometimes he doesn’t have the best ideas in the world. While it’s something he needs to do he wishes he had held off a little bit longer, maybe had some  Dutch courage, maybe sent a letter.  _Hah._

The knock at his door makes him jump and then he silently curses himself for being so jumpy and nervous. Sebastian Smythe does not get nervous.

He comes face to face with Blaine when he opens the door to let him in. He’s comforted by the fact Blaine looks as nervous as he feels. Sebastian’s always been a  little bit better at not showing his emotions, Blaine on the other hand tends to wear his heart on his sleeve.

“Hey, come in,” Sebastian greets with an easy smile. 

“Thanks,” Blaine mutters in response as he steps inside.

“Do you want a drink or anything?”  Sebastian asks as they make their way to the kitchen. 

“No, thank you,” Blaine responses. He clears his throat. “Are you okay?” he asks.

Sebastian raises an eyebrow. 

“I wasn’t expecting to hear from you, but I was worried. Sonny said you were fine and  obviously he would know, but I kind of just wanted to hear it for myself, you know? Not that I am entitled to that or whatever but yeah. I just...” 

Sebastian’s smiling, a small but fond smile. Blaine’s rambling has always been something Sebastian has found endearing. 

"Wanted to make sure I was okay," Sebastian finishes for him and Blaine presses his lips together as he nods.  “I’m okay,” Sebastian assures him.

Blaine seems to visibly relax at that. “Good, okay. So, what did you need to talk to me about?”

“Sonny made me realise something,” he pauses but Blaine just extends his arm slightly, indicating for Sebastian to continue with a twist of his wrist. “I was holding onto so much anger towards you, and I think actively trying not to have you in my life has only made it worse. This is me letting you know I’m letting go of it, or at least this is me heading in that direction.”

Blaine blinks. “What?”

“What do you mean ‘what’?” Sebastian asks, eyebrows  furrowed in  confusion.

“You asked me to come over to, what? Further confirm to me you don’t want me in your life?” Blaine asks and Sebastian’s confusion only  heightens .

“I don’t know where I said _ that  _ but did you honestly think I was going to welcome you with open arms? I already told you I’m not there yet. I accepted your apology, and I explained where I was at with you. Sonny thinks I’ve been unfair, though, so I thought I would let you know where I’m at. Again.”

“You can’t be serious right now. You ignored me for weeks and now you’re standing here talking about being angry at me?” Blaine scoffs.

Sebastian sighs, tries to calm himself. He didn’t  ask Blaine here so they could  argue . He doesn’t want to undermine what Blaine is saying or how he's feeling but he isn’t really sure how Blaine has the nerve to be pissed off with him right now.

“I’m not arguing with you about this, Blaine.”

“Oh, how big of you,” Blaine says with a humourless laugh as he takes a step back. 

Sebastian holds his hands up. “What is your issue?”

“You. You’re my issue. God, we have these moments like how we used to be, and they've so nice, and then you just ignore me, or tell me you can’t do it. But what can't you do? I haven’t asked you to do anything. I haven’t even asked you to forgive me.”

“So, again, what is the issue? I don’t understand what I’m doing wrong here.”

“ _ I _ can’t do  _ this _ . I can’t have you act like you barely know me! You act so normal around me, especially in front of other people. You lied to your dad about knowing me. Jesus,  Seb , if anyone saw us  interact, they’d think we were strangers!”

“We are,” Sebastian says simple.

Blaine’s face falls, hurt written all over his features and Sebastian does feel bad for saying that but he’s not wrong.

“What?” Blaine asks, voice breaking.

“Blaine, we haven’t known each other for the past five years. We practically are strangers. I’m not saying it to hurt you or to be mean -”

“Be mean! Shout at me, tell me how you really feel. Just do  _ something _ . This passive I’m-not-trying-to-hurt-you crap is driving me up the wall! Since when did you let people hurt you and just be okay with it? That isn’t you!”

“Exactly, Blaine!” Sebastian says exasperated. “You just proved my point. We don’t know each other anymore. I’m not who I was when we dated.”

“Oh, he finally admits we were together,” Blaine cries.

“Oh, no, you do not get to try and make me feel bad about this. You left me, Blaine. You walked out. For Kurt! You left with a goddamn note saying Kurt was the one so  don’t you dare stand there and make me out to be the bad guy.”

Sebastian can feel himself getting angrier and angrier. He doesn’t like this feeling. Once upon a time anger and revenge were the only things he felt and he’s worked hard to get to a point in his life where he isn’t overcome with everything negative that happened in his life. But with the recent incident with his father and now this, he feels himself shrinking back to who he was if only to get his point across.

“And I apologised! God, there aren’t enough words in the English language to express how bad I feel, how sorry I truly am. I fucked up, I did, and I regret it. But you act like we never even crossed paths let alone shared a bed together and do you know how hard that is for me?”

Blaine has tears in his eyes now and Sebastian knows he’s going to cry. He wants to close the gap and just hug him, tell him it’s okay, if only to stop the sad puppy dog expression on Blaine’s face. His feet won’t move, though.

He scoffs instead; the anger winning. Of course Sebastian doesn't know how hard it is for him, how would that be knowledge he would have?

“How hard it is for you? You just show up, out of nowhere, and bombard my life! You become best fucking friends with my brother and I am trying to be okay with it all but you’re making it impossible right now. I was doing just fine without you.”

“I told you I wouldn’t be friends with Sonny if it was weird for you, you said it was fine.”

Sebastian lets out an  irritated groan. “That’s not even my point, Blaine. Be friends with Sonny, I don’t care, I just meant you’ve shown up and pushed your way into my life without even considering how I would feel.”

“I’m sorry. I know I keep fucking up with you. I thought – I thought maybe we could. I don’t even know but you just... _you_ ,” he groans and flaps his arms around before rubbing his temples. “Sonny said you seemed down. I thought it meant you’d missed me, too," he admits as his voice grows quieter.

He doesn’t admit to missing Blaine because he’s an idiot.

“Well Sonny didn’t know the full story, did he? Because while you two may be the best of friends you still didn’t tell him how you ended it, did you? Guess I’m not the only one who’s acting like we weren’t together. Or, I don’t know,  maybe you just didn’t want Sonny to see your shitty side.”

“Wow,” Blaine breathes before swallowing thickly. “Is that what you really think of me?”

_ No. _

Sebastian’s shrugs.

“You’re an asshole. I didn’t tell him because you didn’t!” Blaine shouts.

“What does that even mean?”

“I figured you didn’t tell him for a reason. I mean, he’s your brother it’s not usually information you keep from them but I know you, and I knew you probably couldn’t tell him, you never were very good at  explaining how you felt and I figured if you didn’t tell him you didn’t want him to know and I didn’t want to take away you telling him on your own terms!” Blaine’s words are rushed and he sounds so angry Sebastian instantly wants to take back this whole conversation.

It makes sense and Sebastian has to admit it’s quite a nice thought, that Blaine thought about him, that he considered his feelings, that he didn’t take away something from him and his brother. He’s an ass, isn’t he?

“I didn’t kno -”

“No, you didn’t because you just assumed! You know what,” Blaine says as he holds his hands up slightly. His voice is thick with anger and hurt, he sounds like he’s going to cry at any moment. “I can’t do this.”

“Blaine -”

“No, forget it,” he's assertive in what he's saying. Certain and clear, he's the one walking away this time, again.

The door loudly slams shut and Sebastian is alone.

He tips his head back and shuts his eyes as he steadies his breathing. He knows he’s an idiot but so is Blaine. He thought he was getting over it, letting go of the anger, maybe it was naïve to think he was. Maybe he never will. He couldn’t even admit to Blaine that he missed him, couldn’t even tell him he was sorry for acting like an ass. 

“ _Fuck,_ ” he whispers.

He should go after Blaine. He should apologise. They should have an adult conversation, get everything out in the open, without anger and raised voices. Sebastian should finally tell Blaine how much he hurt him and how much he misses him and even though he never once said he loved Blaine, he did. He still does.

But he doesn’t go after Blaine to do anything he knows he should because even after all this time he’s still not sure how to voice his feelings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just a little insight into how blaine's been dealing with being back in sebastian's life and the story of the break up. i promise they're going to get their happy ending :)


	9. hold on.

Sebastian’s been in a bad mood for a week. Everyone is noticing and by everyone he means Sonny, Chad and Hunter and he knows they’re all getting annoyed with him. Sebastian’s annoyed with himself. He knows he’s being ridiculous and yet he doesn’t know how to stop being ridiculous. He’s snapped at three customers alone tonight and even though he may not like people, when he’s working, he’s good with the customers. He likes when attractive boys flirt with him and he likes when attractive women flirt with him and pout when they find out he’s gay – maybe he just likes the attention. But the fact of the matter is, he’s taking this bad mood too far but he doesn’t know how to snap out of it.

“Maybe you should just go home,” Chas says.

Chad has basically dragged him outside after the third time he snapped at customer – if people just spoke  clearly, he wouldn’t have to get annoyed, would he? It’s not hard to order a damn drink.

“Oh, I’m sorry, when exactly did you get my job?” he asks, eyebrow raised. Chad rolls his eyes and flicks his cig to the  ground; he stands on it and steps closer to Sebastian.

“If I sucked your dick, would that cheer you up?” Chad asks.

It takes Sebastian a second to realise Chad is joking and being a complete idiot. “Hah, hah, you’re funny,” he says sarcastically.

Chad smirks then and shrugs his shoulders. “Didn’t you know I gave up a comedy career to come and work for your annoying ass?”

“Maybe you should get back on the comedy horse, then, it’d sure save me a headache.”

Chad shoves Sebastian’s shoulder before leaning back against the wall. “You want to talk about whatever’s bothering you?”

“Nope,” he replies with no hesitation. He leans his head against the wall and sighs as he closes his eyes. 

“You know I’ve never seen you like this before.”

“Like what?” he asks after a moment of silence as he turns to look at Chad, eyebrow raised.

“I guess, hopeless. And dejected.”

“Big word for you that.” Chad shakes his head and sighs. “I’m fine, really, bad moods happen,” Sebastian assures.

There are too many thoughts in his mind, too many questions, too maybe what ifs. He wants answers and closure, he wants to press rewind and go back to before Blaine showed up. Maybe he wants to go further backwards. Would it change things? Could he  change things? Or does he have to deal with the present and try and change them now? 

“They do but yours has gone on long enough so tell me what I can do to help.”

“You ever had a bad break up?” Sebastian asks.

Chad nods his head. “ Sure, I have, most people have.”

“What happened?”

“She cheated,” he says. “I got over it, we were together for years, but I was never really in love with, and I don’t think she was with me. Wait – is this about that guy you were dating?”

Sebastian narrows his eyes. “What?”

“The guy from the bar that night where you didn’t even end up having your date. I don’t know his name, but then that older dude showed up. Oh, what happened with that as well? I was worried about you.”

“My dad,” he says and it just rolls off his tongue without him even realising he’s spoken words let alone admitting it was his father.

“What?”

“The older dude,” Sebastian says mimicking Chad’s words, “is my dad.”

Chad is silent for a few moments and Sebastian knows he wants to ask why and how and  _ what _ but he doesn't. “I hope you kicked his ass,” is what he says instead.

Sebastian laughs then, he actually laughs; not a forced laugh, it’s an honest to god laugh. He wishes he had kicked his ass as well. “Thanks,” he says.

“What for?”

“For being your annoying self,” he says with a small smile before he squeezes the other’s shoulder and then makes his way back into the bar. 

―

Sebastian knows Sonny is out with Sam, Blaine, Santana and Brittany; he knows this because he had been invited but he said no, he can't just hang out with Blaine after the last time they saw each other. Blaine was probably thankful Sebastian had said no. He, however, seems not to be thinking straight because he’s stood outside the cocktail  bar that he knows they’re at. He doesn’t really know what he’s doing here or what he’s going to do. He’s honestly still debating whether he should go in or just go home, pretend it never happened, nobody has seen him so it isn’t like he’ll be called out for his weird behaviour.

Except he’s been stood outside for nearly ten minutes and he’s had a couple of weird looks, probably because this cocktail bar looks fancy as hell and Sebastian is wearing joggers. He left the house in joggers to stalk his brother and his friends; he really is at a low point, isn’t he? Santana would never let him live it down if she saw him and Sonny would make it into something bigger so he should leave, shouldn’t he? He should just turn around and walk back to his apartment.

“ Sebastian ?”

_ Fuck. _

“Hey,” he says as he turns to face Blaine, regretting all his decisions that brought him to this point in his life.

Blaine is frowning. “What are you doing here?”

“I was on a walk,” he lies. He presses his lips together before he rolls his eyes. “No, I wasn’t. I came to see you.”

“You couldn’t have called?” Blaine asks.

“I know it’s weird. I’m going to go, and I’ll text you,” Sebastian says. He doesn’t get  embarrassed easily but he does feel like a bit of an idiot right now.

“No, no,” Blaine rushes to say. Sebastian pauses. “It’s okay, what’s up?”

Great, a question he doesn’t know the answer to. He really hadn’t thought the through. Sebastian is good with his words expect when it comes to having to actually express his own feelings in a coherent way. 

He looks around, taking in the few strangers around them, some of them leaving the cocktail bar and others entering it. He looks back to Blaine, takes in the way he’s just stood, staring directly at him, with a hopeful expression on his face. He looks good, Sebastian thinks, as his eyes trail down his body. The thin black and white sweater he’s wearing hugs his body in all the right places and he knows for certain the black skinny jeans Blaine has on make his ass look amazing without even seeing it.

“I’m sorry for the last time I saw you. I didn’t handle the things right, so I’m sorry for being a dick.” he says and if he spoke any faster the words would be gibberish. 

Blaine’s smiling which is a good sign. “Two apologises in one sentence? It is my lucky day,” he teases.

Sebastian rolls his eyes. “I am, and I wanted you to know. I didn’t think texting it would have been good enough.”

“Are you going to come in for a drink?” Blaine asks.

Sebastian laughs and gestures to his  appearance . “Looking like this? I don’t think so.”

“You look good,” Blaine says and a  blush appears on his cheeks.

“I’ll let you get back to everyone,” Sebastian says. “But thanks for hearing me out.”

“Is that it?” Blaine asks.

“What?”

“I mean... is sorry all you wanted to say? Are we going to go back to not speaking? Are we going to be friends?” Blaine sounds nervous, like he’s expecting something more from Sebastian.

_ No, _ he thinks,  _ sorry isn’t all I wanted to say. _

“There’s more I want to say, but I’m not sure the sidewalk is the best place,” he says with a laugh as he gestures around to the people passing by them.

“What if you walk away and don’t text me? What if you go back to ignoring me again? I know I said I couldn’t do it, but I hate arguing with you. I’ve never liked it, and I don’t want you to walk away.”

_ Like you did _ , he thinks bitterly and silently  curses himself. He needs to stop.

“Sonny told me you had a call back for Bare. That’s awesome, Blaine. I knew you could do it,” he says instead. He doesn’t know how to respond to what Blaine has said because he doesn’t know if he will text Blaine; he doesn’t know if he’ll go back to ignoring him or not. He doesn’t know a lot.

Blaine smiles, then, and its big, hopeful. “I haven’t got the part yet but thank you. I’m really excited about it, it’s why we’re here tonight, celebrating it. It was Sonny’s  idea; he’s convinced I’ll get the part.”

“You will,” he agrees.

Blaine tilts his head to the side, still smiling widely at Sebastian. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” he replies, smiling right back at the beautiful boy who broke his heart. There’s a lull in the conversation then and Blaine looks like he doesn’t want to go back inside. Sebastian already knows he doesn’t want him to leave but he’s not sure what else to say or do.

“I’m sorry about you and Kurt,” is what he ends up saying and it causes Blaine to frown. “I thought you two were still together,” he explains. “I know how much you loved him and it’s his loss. You were always too good for him anyway.”

Blaine’s frown disappears but then he’s smiling again. It seems like sadder this time, like he feels bad for Sebastian.

“I should go back in,” he says and Sebastian nods. “But thank you, again.”

“It’s okay,” he says. “And I will text you,” he assures him  and, in that moment, , he’s decided he will, he won’t go back to ignoring Blaine, maybe they won’t ever get past this weird limbo they’re in or maybe they’ll become friends, like they used to be. He’s not sure you can ever be just friends with someone you’re in love with but if it’ll make Blaine happy, if it’ll stop the weirdness between them, he’ll do it. At least he’ll have Blaine in his life, right? Maybe that will be better and easier, maybe he won’t miss him if he’s around and maybe things will just get better for them.

He thinks he wants  that; he thinks he wants things to be better.

The next day, he texts Blaine and then they spend an hour on the phone with each other before Blaine has to go because he has plans with Cooper. It’s nice and Sebastian let’s himself fall back into the easiness of being friends with Blaine Anderson.

―

“Go on a date with me,” Blaine is saying and Sebastian is sure he didn’t hear him correctly.

“What? Sebastian asks, startled.

He’s  lying on his bed, phone resting on his stomach and on loud speaker. He was supposed to be getting ready to go out with Hunter but Blaine had called and he couldn’t not answer. They’ve been talking a lot more since Sebastian’s weird stalker incident, have even hung out just the two of them. Okay, that only happened once but still it had been nice. It was only coffee, they were only together for an hour, but it wasn’t awkward and that’s all that matter. It’s been three days since then.

“I think we should go on a date,” Blaine says.

Sebastian picks his phone up then as he sits up; takes it off loud speaker and puts it to his ear. “Are you being serious?”

“Yes, unless you think it’s a stupid idea then I take it back and it never happened,” he says with what is quite clearly a  nervous laugh tethered to the end of his sentence.

Sebastian isn’t sure what to say. Is it a stupid idea? They haven’t spoken about the underlying issues between them so maybe it is, maybe it’ll blow up again, maybe  Sebastian will  say the wrong thing and Blaine will get upset again. Sebastian has been known to piss people off easily so it is a possibility.

“Just one date,” Blaine adds and maybe Sebastian has been too quiet for too long. “And if it’s awful, then at least we tried, right?”

Sebastian is agreeing to it before his brain has caught up with the words. “Okay, we’ll go on a date, what’s the worst that can happen?”

Blaine laughs and it makes Sebastian laugh, too.

“Our dates were always fun before, so I have high hopes for this one.” Blaine sounds so fond, so hopeful, and it makes Sebastian’s heart swell. He has spent so long focusing on being angry with Blaine he kind of forgot all the good parts of their relationship and it had been  predominantly positive.

He has let their ending define the whole story and he regrets that because while the ending had been bad the rest of it had been pretty damn amazing. He remembers the way Blaine used to let himself into  his apartment early on a morning, before class,  sometimes he’d make him breakfast in bed, other times he’s wake Sebastian up in a much more fun way that involved his mouth. He remembers the way Blaine used to proudly announce  Sebastian was his boyfriend – that did mostly happen when they were out, drunk, and not caring how much PDA they were displaying - but it always made him smile like an idiot, always made his stomach swoop, always made him feel happy that Blaine was proud to be with him.

He remembers that one night they’d gotten ice cream, gone on a long stroll when it got dark and ended up being caught in the rain. He remembers how much they didn’t care, how they stayed out and slowly made their way back to Sebastian’s apartment. He remembers Blaine stopping them, kissing him and telling him he loved him for the very first time. He remembers not saying it back and seeing the disappointment on Blaine’s face. He remembers kissing him again just so he didn’t have to say it back not because he didn’t love him, too, but because he’d never said those words to anyone before and it terrified him. 

Maybe that was a thing he could have done differently and maybe they would still be together. Some many what ifs. He’ll never get to know that, though, so he swallows thickly and shoves the memory down.

“You better get planning a night to remember then, Anderson, because our second first date has  got to be extra special,” Sebastian responds.

It’s time Sebastian let himself feel something again, it’s time he stopped coming up with excuses to not let Blaine back into his life because so far they aren't really working. Blaine _is_ in his life and he likes it. He misses him and Blaine wants to go on a date with him. He doesn’t want to question what changed, what made Blaine suggest it or even want to do it in the first place because this is what he wants as well and that should be enough. Everything else can wait, or maybe everything else will fall into place while they fall back together.


	10. date night.

Sebastian doesn’t do nervous, didn’t do nervous on his first actual date with Blaine, but times were simpler back then. There was no hurt between them, no messy past. Back then it was fun and easy and Sebastian felt confident in their relationship; he had no doubts, he didn’t second guess anything. Sebastian believed that Blaine wanted him as much as he wanted Blaine. He may have some doubts now, though, he wishes he didn’t; he wishes he could still be as confident in them as he was the first time around. 

He’s been pacing back and forth in his living room for almost five minutes, a drink in his hand that he’s filled up three times already. He doesn’t want to be drunk but he also needs a little bit of Dutch courage to help him through. He has no idea what Blaine is planning, Blaine had said it was a surprise but Sebastian hates surprises. He supposes Blaine thinks he’s being romantic, planning a secret date but if Sebastian knew the plan he could prepare better and maybe not be as nervous.

A knock at his door pulls him out of his thoughts. He takes a deep breath, finishes his drink and then opens the door.

He frowns.

“Cooper?”

“Looking good, Smythe,” Cooper replies, raking his eyes over the other’s body, a smirk set on his lips.

“Don’t I always?” Sebastian retorts but he rolls his eyes. “What are you doing here?”

“I’m here to  escort you to your date,” he announces.

_Oh._ Blaine’s told people? Sebastian hasn’t told anyone. Not even Sonny – maybe Blaine has – he just didn’t want to say it out loud, potentially get his hopes up, or have Sonny’s positive  attitude make him go into this with blind optimism. 

In the car, Sebastian’s leg is bouncing up and down. A nervous tick he used to have as a child, sometimes it comes back to haunt him. In times like this, when he’s putting himself out there for a boy who already broke his heart once

Is he making a mistake?

“I’ve never seen you so nervous before,” Cooper comments, glancing to look at Sebastian for a moment.

Sebastian’s leg stills and he turns to face Cooper, clearing his throat. “Definitely not nervous,” he argues.

Cooper lets out a laugh. “If it helps, Blaine’s just as nervous.”

And for some reason it does help because at least he’s not alone in his nerves, maybe that means Blaine feels the weight of this as well, maybe he realises how much there is to lose. He supposes if it ends  badly, he at least knows he can live without  Blaine; he’s done it before. 

Cooper just keeps talking, telling Sebastian about his dates and he notes that he’s only telling stories about good dates – but how good could they have been? Cooper’s still single. Though he does appreciate that he isn’t spewing horror stories of his dates that could make  Sebastian jump out of the moving car just to get away.

When the car comes to a stop outside of, what can only be described as, a cottage Sebastian comes out of his own head. He doesn’t know how long they’ve been driving for and he certainly hadn’t expected their date to be in a cottage. 

He slowly gets out of the car, his eyes never leaving the building in front of him. It’s a  two-story cottage built with white bricks, the roof a light grey, and a light brown fence surrounding it. The door is orange which Sebastian doesn’t  particularly like himself but it works, it fits.

“Blaine’s inside,” Cooper says. He’s out of the car now, too, stood beside Sebastian with a massive, stupid grin on his face. “He wants this,  Seb , you have nothing to worry about,” he says and his sounds so sincere  it makes Sebastian’s heart swell. 

“Thanks,” he says, turning to look at Cooper, throwing him a small smile. His words are nice but it doesn’t do much to help his nerves because he’s not so sure he has  _ nothing _ to worry about.

He makes his way up the white, stone path, each step making his nerves louder and louder but when he walks through the hideous orange door and comes face to face with Blaine his nerves lessen and a smile spreads across his lips.

“Hi,” Blaine says, voice quiet but his smile loud.

Sebastian takes a moment to take him in, to admire how good he looks in those  ridiculously bright red  trousers and his just as ridiculous matching red bow-tie. He looks so good in the black shirt underneath his  stripy black and white blazer. Blaine’s fashion has always been bold and loud and Sebastian has always admired him for it.

“A cottage in the middle of nowhere? I definitely wasn’t expecting this.”

Blaine laughs, nervous. “It’s not too much?” he asks.

Sebastian shakes his head. “No, no, it’s not too much,” he assures him. 

“Come on,” Blaine says as he takes Sebastian’s hand to guide him out of the backdoor into the garden.

It’s as flowery as Sebastian would expect it to be, there’s even a swinging garden bench down at the bottom of the  garden , situated next to a pond that, of course, is surrounded by, what looks to be, yellow lilies. It’s nice, not Sebastian’s style, but still nice.

They come closer to the  set-up Blaine has obviously put a lot of effort into. There’s a blue  blanket with white dots on it laid out on the grass, on top of it is a weaved wooden picnic basket, opened to display an array of foods in it. There’s even a couple of bottles of wine and two wine glasses – maybe Sebastian should only have a couple of glasses because he’s already three drinks deep.

Blaine’s stood beside him, biting the inside of his cheek nervously. They’re still  holding hands and Blaine intertwines their fingers together, squeezing gently. “So, what do you think?” he asks.

“It’s very you,” he says with a smile. “I like it,” he adds and he means it. It isn’t something he would ever plan for himself nor is it his style but it is so very Blaine, so cute and romantic. It’s thoughtful. 

Blaine seems to relax at Sebastian’s words, silently glad he likes it. They make themselves comfortable on the blanket, sitting cross legged across from each other but close. Sebastian pours them both a glass of wine, passing Blaine his first who accepts it with a quiet ‘thank you.’

“I can’t believe you did all of this,” Sebastian says, tilting his head as he looks at Blaine with the fondest expression on his face.

Blaine shrugs, letting out a laugh. “You said it had to be special, I figured dinner and a movie just wouldn’t cut it.”

The conversation flows from then, just as the drinks do and Sebastian may have more than a couple of glasses; he can’t help himself, it’s easy, fun, like it once was and he lets himself get swept up in the moment, let’s himself enjoy every second of this ridiculously adorable date planned for them. He gets lost in the stories Blaine tells him, of their time apart, of the stupid things he and Sam got up to. He feels safe, content, like maybe this was how it was supposed to go between them. Maybe everything that happened was supposed to happen so that they could be here now, together.

“What's your favourite role that you've played?” Sebastian asks as they discuss Blaine’s love of musical theatre and performing. Sebastian didn’t really know what Blaine did, what his career was, he was  pleasantly surprised to find out that he was a well-known actor in the musical theatre world. He also wrote a blog, and worked part time in a coffee shop.

“Probably Davey from Newsies – it was a small tour that we did but I had so much fun, the cast were  amazing and I fell in love with that role. If it ever got revived on  Broadway, I would love to play him again.”

“I feel cheated that I’ve never gotten to see you on stage,” Sebastian says, smirking. “I think that needs to be changed and soon.”

“Well,” Blaine drawls, a cheeky smile on his lips. “I did promise you a ticket to opening night of Bare.”

Sebastian’s eye  widens . “You got the part?”

Blaine nods, the happiness he obviously feels written all over his face from the giant grin to the crinkles near his eyes. “I got the part,” he confirms.

“That’s amazing. I knew you could do it,” Sebastian compliments as he leans in to hug him, squeezing him tightly as Blaine hugs back.

They pull apart, both with smiles on their faces, Blaine’s shy and Sebastian’s full of hope. Sebastian runs his fingers through Blaine’s hair, eyes searching his face for any signs of doubt from him, any  hesitations , but he doesn’t see any. All his sees is Blaine’s smile and his wide, hopeful honey eyes. The same hope Sebastian has. It makes his heart swell and his stomach flip, nerves coming back in full swing.

There is nothing that scares him more than his feelings for Blaine, that has always been the case, but he feels brave again, in his moment he forgets the pain and the hurt and he lets himself feel happy.

He leans in and presses his lips to Blaine’s, to begin with it’s chaste and gentle, not uncertain but careful, inviting, and then Blaine pushes into the kiss, breathing in deep and then the kiss becomes more, more desperate as Sebastian tangles his fingers in the other’s hair. Blaine’s hands search his chest before they slide down his sides and then snake around to his back, their bodies pressing against each other.

Blaine is the one to pull back first, both of them panting. He lets out a laugh, eyes opening to meet Sebastian’s. “I forgot how good you were at that,” he says quietly and it makes Sebastian laugh.

“Ouch, Anderson, nothing about me should be  forgettable ,” he teases.

Blaine runs his thumb across Sebastian’s bottom lip before brushing his hand through his hair, all the while Sebastian just stares at him, smiling. He doesn’t want to look away, he doesn’t want this moment to come to an end; he’s  scared that if he moves it’ll shatter the moment and reality will come crashing down. He wants a little longer to bask in this.

“You’re definitely not  forgettable , Sebastian Smythe, but memories fade. I don’t want that  anymore; I don’t want us to be a faded memory.” Blaine sounds so serious, so genuine and his words terrify Sebastian as much as they excite him.

He has to trust Blaine again, has to learn to let him in if this second first date is going to turn into more dates; turn into them getting back on the right path. “Does that mean you want a second date?” Sebastian asks, a devilish grin on his lips. “Because I’m not so sure I agreed to more than one date.”

Blaine narrows his eyes at  Sebastian before he pouts and shoves at his shoulder. “Mean,” he whines and Sebastian laughs, rolling his eyes. “You do want a second date with me, admit it, that’s why you kissed me. You can’t  _ resist _ me,” he says proudly as he pokes Sebastian’s chest.

Sebastian takes hold of Blaine’s finger and laces their fingers together gently. “Maybe I could endure another date with you,” he agrees.

He doesn’t think he could walk away now, not even if everything in him was telling him to. Blaine has this way of pulling him in, of making him feel wanted, despite everything, Blaine has a hold over him and he’s not so sure he wants to ignore that anymore. 

He doesn’t want to be a faded memory anymore either. He wants this. He wants Blaine. He wants them.

“Maybe date number two will be better,” he jokes and Blaine pouts again so Sebastian kisses his pout away, slow and teasingly, and Blaine eats it up, lets  Sebastian take control which he has always liked; Blaine was always weak for Sebastian being the one in control.

The kiss becomes lazier until they find themselves laying on their backs, shoulders pressed  together , Blaine’s legs draped over Sebastian’s and Sebastian’s fingers lazy playing with Blaine’s hair. They’re staring up at the sky, watching as the sun sets and the stars come out, easily lighting up the darkness around them. 

It feels like the start of something Sebastian knows he doesn’t want there to be an end to.


End file.
